


Daffodils

by let_love_run_red



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, Protective Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 20:24:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19448890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/let_love_run_red/pseuds/let_love_run_red
Summary: Ben Solo sat between his father's chest and the old beat up guitar he held on his son's lap. Han's large hands covered Ben's shorter digits as he moved his son's stubby fingers to cover the strings of the guitar, explaining the different chords to the five year old."Han, really?" Leia asked as she stepped into the room. Han looked up at his wife with a smirk as Ben tried to stretch his arm over the guitar and strummed the chords with his thumb. He smiled a gap-toothed grin at the sound that formed. Han smiled down at Ben as he lifted the guitar, pushing his son off his lap.





	1. Yellow

_Ben Solo sat between his father’s chest and the old beat up guitar he held on his son’s lap. Han’s large hands covered Ben’s shorter digits as he moved his son’s stubby fingers to cover the strings of the guitar, explaining the different chords to the five year old._

_“Han, really?” Leia asked as she stepped into the room. Han looked up at his wife with a smirk as Ben tried to stretch his arm over the guitar and strummed the chords with his thumb. He smiled a gap-toothed grin at the sound that formed. Han smiled down at Ben as he lifted the guitar, pushing his son off his lap._

* * *

Ben Solo dropped the butt of his cigarette on the ground, crushing it under the heel of his boot before walking down the sidewalk with his hands jammed deep into the pockets of his black leather jacket. He peered down the street through the dark tint of the sunglasses that sat comfortably on the bridge of his nose, his jet black hair pushed messily behind his ears.

The back door of the high school came into view through the chain link fence and he walked toward the section of fence with the sharp prongs on the top folded down. He grabbed the chain link, hoisting himself up and grabbing the bar at the top to steady himself before shrugging off his backpack and guitar case, dropping them on the other side of the fence. He pushed himself up, leaning over the fence and grabbing the other side of the fence before flipping his legs over his head and landing on his feet in the football field.

He rolled his shoulders, pushing his hair back once more and picking up his things before walking towards the school. He pulled a bobby pin out of his pocket and set about picking the lock on the door, pulling it open and dropping the bobby pin back in his pocket as he walked in the door. The heavy soles of his boots made a satisfying thud with every step he took and the chain attached to his belt jangled, alerting everybody to his presence.

“Shit he’s here?” He heard a timid voice say from around the corner. He rounded the corner and walked down the hall toward the class he’d been ditching. He looked down to see a group of sophomores watching him warily. They’d pressed themselves into the doorway of a classroom, watching him warily. He slowed his pace before stopping in front of them, crossing his arms over his chest.

The teenager’s eyes widened as Ben took a breath, tilting his head down and sliding the glasses down his nose. The one closest to him swallowed before making a move to run. Ben leaned back against the opposite wall, watching the jumpy movements of the group.

“Boo.” He said lowly. The group flinched and Ben chuckled before standing straight and continuing down the hall, ducking into his science class a few minutes before the teacher took the roll at the end of class.

He settled into his seat, dropping his things on the floor next to him and took his sunglasses off. The teacher looked up and cleared her throat. Ben tilted his head back and looked at the elderly woman with a raised eyebrow.

“Mr. Solo.” She said curtly. Ben removed his sunglasses, folding the arms and hanging the glasses from the collar of his shirt. “where’s your slips?” She asked. Ben gave her a fake look of surprise and confusion.

“What do you mean Ms. Adams?” He asked innocently.

“The slip excusing your tardiness.” She snapped. Ben sat up straighter in his seat and turned to face her. He knew all eyes in the room were on him, and he loved it.

“I set it on your desk, Ms. Adams, do you need new glasses?” He asked with a smirk. The woman searched around her desk for her glasses (which were perched atop her flat gray hair). Ben turned back to face the board, sliding down in his desk and crossing his ankles under the desk in front of him as he stretched his arms above his head. The bell rang for lunch and Ben stood from his desk, picking up his things as he made his way to the lunchroom.

The crowds seemed to part when they heard the thunk of his boots against tile and turned to see their faces inches from his patch-covered guitar case. Freshmen scrambled into doorways when they saw they were in his direct path, hoping to avoid his glare. Ben enjoyed the power he had over the school, it made things interesting.

Entering the lunchroom Ben searched for the familiar head of (h/c) hair, making a B-line for where you stood in the line. He snuck up behind you and tickled your sides with a playful growl. You jumped and he gripped your waist tightly, lifting you above the ground as you squealed.

“Ben Solo!” You cried when he put you down with a laugh. You spun around and whacked his chest with a scowl. His laugh died out to a chuckle as he pushed his hands into the pockets of his jacket. He flashed you a crooked smile and your scowl melted as you grabbed a tray for lunch.

You followed Ben to the common area, walking toward the spot the two of you usually sat with your boyfriend Armitage. You saw his head of red hair from where you were standing and picked up your pace to meet him. He glanced up from his phone when you sat next to him.

“Hi Hux.” You said, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. He gave no reaction and you sat back on the bench as Ben sat on your other side, pulling out his guitar and tuning it. You took a bite of your lunch as you listened to Ben tune the guitar next to you before giving the strings a few test strums. He pulled a piece of paper out of his bag and a pencil, setting them next to him and continuing to strum.

He muttered to himself, occasionally stopping to write down a word or chord, trying to finish the song that sat next to him. You finished your lunch and stood to throw your Styrofoam tray into the garbage across the room. Ben looked up and watched you as you walked only to feel a glare burning into the side of his head. He glanced over to see Hux with an angry look on his face.

“Watch where your eyes are Solo.” He hissed. Ben rolled his eyes and turned back to the song, writing down another chord as he strummed absentmindedly.

* * *

“Hey Ben.” You said as you passed by Ben on your way to the locker room. Ben smiled at you as you ducked into the small room to change for cheer practice. You pulled off your shirt, almost forgetting about the dark bruises on your ribs until you heard a gasp from behind you.

“(y/n) what happened?” Rey exclaimed as she rushed towards you, lifting your arm and gently poking at the bruise. You winced and pulled away, pulling on your silver and blue crop top out of your locker and pulling it over your head.

Rey stood back and folded her arms. You continued dressing for cheer, pulling your hair into the three buns required by your coach for cheer. Rey stepped up behind you and gently fixed them before gripping your shoulders and spinning her to face her.

“Was it Hux?” Rey asked. Your cheeks flared as you looked away to the ground. You pulled out of her grip and walked quickly out of the room and out to the football field. You recognized Ben’s dark figure high up the bleachers, a cigarette dangling from his lips with his eyes covered by dark glasses. You looked away from him as you walked towards your coach, Ms. Kanata.

Ms. Kanata, or Maz as she all insisted you call her, was a petite woman with a fiery attitude. She took good care of her girls, teaching them not only cheerleading but life skills and morals. Maz was a second mother to you, someone you trusted with your life, someone you looked up to. Which is why you weren’t alarmed when she pulled you aside after Rey spoke to her quietly.

“(y/n) dear, Rey said you had something I should talk to you about.” Maz said quietly as she led you towards the bleachers. She sat you down, settling herself next to you and peering up at you through her thick glasses. You looked away and Maz glanced down, noticing the bottom of a dark bruise peeking from under your uniform.

“(y/n),” Maz began. You stood up abruptly as the football team walked out. You recognized the flaming red hair of Armitage and jogged towards the rest of the team, trying to make it look as though youd been talking to them the entire time. Maz sighed and stood up, glancing up the bleachers to see Ben tip his head back and blow a plume of smoke out of his mouth.

Ben looked down and saw Maz looking up at him with a stern look. He dropped the cigarette onto the metal of the bleachers and crushed it under his boot. Maz walked towards the steps on the side of the bleachers, beginning her slow climb as her girls ran through the drills on the field.

“Young Mr. Solo. Those things cause cancer you know.” She said, nodding her head towards the dead cigarette that lay on the bottom of the bleachers. Ben blew the smoke through his nostrils, looking like a fuming dragon as he crossed his ankle over his knee. Maz sat looking at him for a moment before clearing her throat.

“You’re a friend of (y/n)’s. Dont try denying it I’ve seen her with you.” Maz said, holding her hand up when Ben opened his mouth to protest. Ben leaned back, peering at Maz through his sunglasses.

“I’d hate for anything to happen to her. Please, keep an eye on her.” Maz said. She stood, retreating from the boy. Ben leaned against the seat behind him, lacing his fingers together behind his head and watching as you were tossed in the air, doing an impressive flip before the girls caught you. Keep an eye on you for what?

* * *

“(y/l/n)!” Ben called. You froze, frantically pulling your top down as Ben approached you after practice. You looked up at him with a smile as he reached into his jacket, offering you a flower. A daffodil. One of the yellow ones that grew in the school gardens, the same type that a young Ben had one day showed up to your doorstep with.

_Ben Solo peered out the front window, watching the new family move in across the street. They had a girl his age, a beautiful girl with (h/l) (h/c) hair that shone in the sun and fluttered around her face as she danced around the front yard with the large white dog._

_She was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. She had a perfect smile, beautiful hair, and a happy air about her. Ben watched as she tripped over something, landing sprawled on the grass and laughing as the dog leaned it’s nose down and snuffled at her hair. He felt a small smile creep onto his face as the large man he assumed was her father called her into the house._

_He had to meet her._

_He quickly pulled on his sneakers, running out the front door and over to her house. He froze before raising his fist to knock on the door. He should have something to offer. He glanced around, seeing his mothers flower garden. He jogged over, picking a bouquet of the brightest yellow flowers. They were happy, like her._

_He ran back to her house, raising his fist to knock on the door. You opened the door, looking up slightly at the dark-haired boy with moles and sail-like ears. He smiled, revealing his missing canine teeth. You tilted your head at him as he held out a bunching of yellow flowers. Yellow flowers to match your yellow dress._

_“Hi, I’m Ben. I live across the street.”_

You graciously accepted the daffodil with a smile as Ben shoved his hands back into his pockets. You looked up at him, waiting for him to explain himself. He reached up and removed his sunglasses before speaking.

“You looked great today.” Ben said with a smile. You smiled wider, tucking the stem of the daffodil into the waistband of your cheer skirt as you walked into the school with Ben so you could change back into your outfit. You and Ben walked in silence and you watched warily as the football team started filing out of the doors to head home. Ben gently took your hand, tugging you to a stop. You turned to face him, waiting for him to speak.

“Hey, you’d tell me if anything was wrong, right?” He asked. You felt your heart lurch. Ben was your best friend, you told him about everything. Except for the bruises that littered your ribs and hid under your foundation.

“Of course Ben.” You said. Ben looked down at you skeptically before letting go of your hand and continuing his walk to the doors before suddenly changing his course and heading towards the parking lot. You sighed as you walked toward the school, pulling the daffodil out of your waistband and bringing it to your nose to take in a whiff of the sweet scent.

You stepped into the locker room, setting the daffodil on the short bench in front of the lockers as you opened yours and pulled out your clothes. You changed your top quickly, hoping to avoid Rey’s attention. Luckily she was around the corner. You quickly finished changing before exiting the team room with the flower still in hand.

Climbing into your car, you set the daffodil on the seat next to you as you drove home. After you pulled into the garage of your one-level home you got out and walked inside, pulling out a vase and filling it with water before putting the flower into the vase and setting it on the desk in your room. You smiled at the memories it brought back.

There was a loud knock on the front door, causing your large white german shepherd, Angel, to lift his head and release a booming bark. You walked to the front door, Angel hauling himself to his feet and following with a growl. You opened the door to see the fiery red hair and stern gaze of Armitage.

“Oh, hi Armi, I wasn’t expecting to see you today.” You said. He nodded and pushed past you, walking into the house and settling himself on the couch. Angel growled, the hair running down his spine standing on edge and his lips pulled back into a snarl. You bent down and grabbed his collar, pulling him to his crate.

Angel braced his legs against you, his claws scrabbling on the tile as he released high yips and whines as he begged you not to cage him. Angel had recently seemed to change his mind about Hux, often refusing to let him in the house if one of your parents opened the door rather than you. You shoved the dog into the kennel, locking the door and draping the blanket over it to cease his barking. You could hear Angel clawing at the kennel door.

You walked back into the front room and sat next to Hux, leaning against him as you looked up at him.

“So, what brought this visit on?” You asked. Hux shrugged his shoulders as he reached over and brushed his fingers along your jawline, leaning in and kissing you gently. His way of apologizing for the past week when he’d lost his temper. You had forgiven him.

“(y/n) dear, do you by chance have my football jacket? We have a game Thursday and I need it.” he asked. You nodded your head and stood, walking down the hall to your room and opening the door to your closet. You rummaged through it, finding his jacket and pulling it off the hanger. You turned around to walk to the front room only to see Hux standing close behind you. He gripped your hips roughly, pulling you against him and crashing his lips against your own.

Hux pulled you towards the bed before pushing you down onto it, climbing on top of you and pinning you down as you tried pushing your hands against his chest, keeping your lips pressed tight together. You finally reached your hand up and shoved it between your’s and Armitage’s lips, shoving his face back as he sat back on his knees.

“Armitage, I, no.” You said quietly. You could see the fire building in his eyes as he stood off of you with a growl. He paced angrily around the room.

“It’s always about you. never what I want. You’re never in the mood (y/n).” He said, raising his voice. You could hear Angel’s frantic barks from the kitchen as you pushed yourself into the corner of your bed, pulling your knees to your chest. Hux angrily knocked the vase off your desk, the glass shattering on the hardwood floor before he leaned on your bed, grabbing your arm and dragging you off the bed.

“I have needs. And it’s your duty as my girlfriend to meet those needs.” He said, slapping you before shoving you to your knees. You could feel the glass slicing through the fabric of your jeans as Hux reached down to his belt. You heard claws scrabbling on the hardwood of the hall before Angel appeared in your doorway, growling and barking at Hux. Hux paused, stepping back as angel shoved his way between your kneeling figure and Hux’s body. He snapped at the ginger-haired man, backing him out of the room.

You pushed yourself to your feet as Angel backed Hux out of your room, leaving the daffodil crushed under his shoes. You sat on your bed shakily, flinching when you heard the heavy thud of boots on the hardwood. Ben appeared in your doorway, looking frantically for you. He let out a sigh when he saw you on the bed before rushing over to you and pulling you against his chest.

“I heard Angel barking. I used the spare key, (y/n) I’m so sorry I couldn’t be here sooner.” Ben said, holding you against his chest as you sobbed, lifting a hand to your cheek. Ben smoothed a hand over your (h/c) hair until you stopped crying. Angel had limped back into the room, his paws bleeding from the glass he’d stepped in. He sat at the foot of your bed, licking his paws until they stopped bleeding before he jumped onto your mattress, crawling over and resting his head in your lap.

Deep down you knew Armitage was right. You were being selfish. He had needs in this relationship too. But you were nervous about losing your virginity, you just weren’t sure about it. But you needed to make up your mind if you truly loved him. For now though, you leaned into Ben’s chest and nursed your stinging cheek.


	2. Black

You ducked around the corner when you heard the thudding of boots. You’d been avoiding Ben for a week. Ever since he’d let Angel out of his kennel Ben was being almost smothering. He was always around you, always asking if you were ok, you were sick of it. You’d asked him to stop waiting for you after cheer practice but he wouldn’t listen. It had gotten to the point where you’d quit cheer.

Maz was sad to see you go but didn’t press for any further reason. Rey was disappointed, and had since started trying to get you to try out for the school’s dance team. You shoved her off, instead throwing yourself into your hobbies. Your room was now covered in paintings and drawings.

Ben noticed you were ignoring him. He noticed the daffodils he left on the hood of your car were always left in your spot after you pulled away. He noticed how you’d run back to Hux, cutting him off. It made him angry. So, he buried himself in his music. He wrote more songs, got his band back together, and booked shows at local clubs using fake ID’s. 

You and Ben were growing apart, and you didn’t realize how much it hurt either of you. You didn’t know how often Ben stared out his bedroom window, wishing you’d open the blinds of your room and shine your flashlight into his window the way the two of you did when you were younger. Ben didn’t know how often you looked at the pictures of the two of you when you were younger.

Ben was desperate, he needed you. He needed to see you, hear your laugh, feel your embrace, it was killing him to not be able to see you every day. So he made a brash decision. Tonight he was going to sneak out, just like he had when he was young. 

_You woke to a tapping on your window. Angel lifted his head and crawled towards the window. You shoved him aside and parted the blinds, peering through to see Ben hidden in the bushed below your window tapping quietly. You opened your window, popping the screen out hurriedly. Ben caught it and hid it in the bushes as he climbed through the window and sat down on your bed._

_“Ben what are you doing here?” You asked. Ben’s black hair was draped in front of his face, shining silver in the moonlight as he shook twigs and leaves out of it. Angel licked at Ben’s face and Ben shoved the dog’s mouth away from him._

_“I couldn’t sleep. Wanna go look at stars?” Ben asked. You looked at him skeptically and he held up the keys to his dad’s old Ford. Your eyes widened, Ben was only fourteen he couldn’t drive yet. But as he climbed back out the window and held his hand out for you, you couldn’t help but take it and climb out your window before closing it._

_You followed Ben across the street as he opened the door and shifted the car into neutral. He walked around the front of the car, pushing it backwards down the slight incline of the driveway as you sat in the driver’s seat steering the car onto the street._

_Once the two of you had gotten it straight down the road, you climbed out and helped him push the car some ways away from your houses. Once you were far enough away that the sound of the engine wouldn’t wake either of your parent’s, the two of you climbed into the car, Ben in the driver’s seat, and started the car. The engine roared to life and Ben pulled slowly down the street as he got the hang of the car._

_“Have you ever driven before?” You asked Ben. He shrugged and looked at you with a toothy grin._

_“First time for everything.”_

Ben lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. Leia had tried to get him to come eat dinner, he’d simply waited until she’d fallen asleep on the couch before sneaking out and bringing his dinner back to his room. Once he was finished he walked out and left his plate in the sink, seeing Leia still asleep in her business suit and heels. 

She was folded into an uncomfortable position, her feet tucked under her legs, leaning on the arm of the couch with her arms folded and her neck bent at a strange angle. Every time she took a breath her head lifted then dropped as she let out a soft snore. Ben looked at his mother, feeling a pang of anger at his father for walking out on them.

Ben stepped forward, sliding one arm under her legs and the other behind her shoulders, lifting her effortlessly and carrying her to her room the way she’d carried him to sleep when he was younger and much smaller. He gently lay her on her bed before pulling her heels off her feet and covering her with the comforter on her bed.

“Sleep tight mom, I’ll be back soon.” He whispered as he turned out the lights and walked to his room, climbing out his window and jogging across the street. He paused when he reached your window, hoping that you weren’t sleeping to deeply. He knocked on your window, waiting for the blinds to part.

He knocked again when there was no sign of you, praying you’d answer. Finally, he saw the blinds shift as the curtain was pulled back. He popped the screen out of your window, hiding it in the bushed the way he’d done many times before. He watched the blinds part before they closed again and stayed still. He groaned and knocked again slightly louder. No answer. He continued knocking until the window was unlocked and thrown open.

“What do you want _Ben?"_ You hissed. Ben climbed in your window, sitting on your bed and looking at you. He took a deep breath, he hadn’t planned what he would say if you opened the window. You sat glaring at him whilst Angel leaned forward and licked Ben’s hand. Ben opened his mouth to speak before closing it and pulling his car keys out of his pocket.

"I couldn’t sleep. Wanna go look at stars?” He asked quietly. You felt a little bit of your anger melt away at those familiar words. You loosened your stance as Ben climbed back out your window, holding his hand out for you. You sighed and followed him out before closing your window.

“You better not make me push that stupid car down the street.” You muttered as he opened the door of the Falcon. Ben cracked a smile as you climbed into the passenger seat.

“Mom’s fast asleep.” He said as he started the car, pulling out of the driveway and down the road.

The two of you ended up in the parking lot of the park. Everything was shrouded in black shadows, giving the place a sense of emptiness. You and Ben were laying on the roof of his car just looking at the stars.

“See any constellations?” Ben asked. You knew he was trying to get you to talk. Talking led to confessions, and that was something you weren’t in the mood for, so you kept quiet. Ben took your silence as an answer in itself.

“Because I do. See there,” Ben pointed to three bright stars in a row. “that’s Orion’s belt. And that,” He pointed to the big dipper. “is Ursa Major. Big bear.” He said, glancing to you. You stared up blankly, not acknowledging him in any way. He rolled onto his side to face you as you continued searching the cosmos.

“(y/n), talk to me.” He said gently. You rolled so you were facing away from him, running your hand over the aged paint of the car. The car that once belonged to Han Solo, the car that now belonged to Ben Solo, the car that had taken you to your first day of High school, the car that had been parked in the driveway of your favorite house of your favorite person for the past eight years.

Ben set his hand on your shoulder and rolled you so you were facing him. You screwed your eyes shut as he rested his hand on your cheek.

“(y/n), I know I could never understand what you’re going through, but please, I want to help you get through it.” Ben begged. You felt a surge of anger. Of course he couldn’t understand. The man you loved, the one who loved you, left black bruises on your ribs as a routine. You didn’t know how you could avoid making him angry but you knew you deserved it. You sat up on the car, glaring down at Ben with conviction.

“Don’t. Don’t you dare say that I can get through this Benjamin. I don’t want your sympathy, because I don’t deserve it. I deserve everything Hux does because he’s right. There’s something inside me that knows it’s my fault, so no matter what you say I don’t believe it Ben.” You snapped. Ben looked taken aback as the words you said sunk in. You truly believed that you deserved the slaps, the way Hux treated you, the way he threw you around. Ben reached out to pull you into a hug but you pulled away.

“I want to go home.” You said quietly, Ben opened his mouth to protest before closing it and sliding off the roof of the car. You followed, climbing into the passenger seat as Ben started the car.

You climbed back through your window, shutting and locking it as Ben picked up the screen resting in the bushes and replacing it. He let his fingers slip down the black mesh, wishing he could make you understand that it wasn’t your fault. Instead he trudged back across the street and climbed back through his window, falling into a fitful sleep.

* * *

The next day at school you avoided Ben like the plague. You ditched classes you shared with him, ate in your car, and even decided to try out for the dance team so you didn’t have to see him in the parking lot.

“I’m so glad you finally decided to try out. You’ll love the coach, she comes off as a hard-ass but she’s got the whole, tough love thing.” Rey said. You gave her a small smile as the two of you changed into workout clothes for the tryout. You were wearing a sports bra, tank top, and a pair of leggings to allow you to move.

You followed Rey to the studio and walked in to see a middle-aged woman with platinum blonde hair and a well-muscled figure. She was obviously a dancer with the way she was dressed, a pair of yoga capris and a sports bra. Rey approached the woman with a smile, shaking her hand as she introduced you.

“Phasma, this is my friend (y/n). She wants to join the tryouts.” Rey said. The woman, Phasma, folded her arms and looked her up and down before holding her hand out for you to shake. You took it gently and gave her a smile.

“Welcome to tryouts (y/n). Do you have any prior dance experience?” She asked as she crossed the room. You cleared your throat and followed her with soft footsteps, watching the girls around you do impossible stretched and impressive leaps.

“Uh, I did cheer, and took a hip hop class when I was eight.” You said. Phasma turned to look at you with a raised eyebrow.

“Hip hop? Bit of a change of pace from what I usually do. Got anything you can show me?” She asked. You felt the blood drain from your face and froze. It had been years since you’d danced to anything, let alone gone freestyle.

“Well, I could give it a shot but I’m not sure how good I’d be.” You said as Phasma pulled out her phone and started a song playing. She turned to look at you and chuckled.

“Didn’t ask if you were good. I asked if you could show me anything.” She said. You shrugged and did your best to find the beat of the music and do a little pop-and-lock. Phasma smiled at your attempt as the song came to an end. 

“Alright, you’re in.” Phasma said simply. You looked at her in surprise, feeling glares from the other girls in the studio as they’d seen your, to put it nicely, rough dance moves. Phasma smiled at you as you stared in confusion.

“Technique I can fix. But willingness to try, even if you don’t think you’ll be good at it, hell I couldn’t ask for anything more in a dancer.” Phasma said. Rey smiled at you, giving you a double thumbs up. You and Rey sat for the rest of the tryouts so you could meet your team before practice the next day.

As rey walked you to your car you froze when you noticed Ben’s falcon parked in the spot next to yours. You could hear the music from here and sighed. You recognized the music as that of his bands. Of course Ben would be the one to listen to his own music.

You walked towards your car slowly in an attempt not to draw Ben’s attention and failing as he snapped his head up and climbed frantically out of the car.

“(y/n), please just listen.” Ben begged, taking hold of your wrist and spinning you to face him. You recognized those pleading eyes, the look he saved only for you because he knew you could never resist him. You let out a lengthy sigh and turned to your car, opening the door and dropping your backpack on the backseat before turning to face Ben with a scowl.

“Make it quick.” You huffed. Ben patted the room of his car as he opened the back door and reached in, grabbing his guitar and climbing up to sit on the roof next to you. He quickly tuned his guitar before looking at you.

“So, a while ago, I wrote a beat down for this song. But I didn’t know what the words should be. But last night, last night I just knew. So I want you to listen to at least the chorus.” He said. You knew how much Ben’s music meant to him. The black walnut guitar that rested on his knee had once belonged to Han Solo, the absentee father. He learned how to play from Han, had gotten his electric guitar as a last present from Han before he left. Ben cleared his throat and started playing.

" _Take a step inside my mind as my eyes are open wide, in my sleep I turn and toss to rebuild the heart I lost “_ Ben couldn’t bring himself to look you in the eyes as he sang. He didn’t know how you’d react to the chorus that was coming up. So instead he left his focus on moving his fingers through the chords.

_"You can tell me what you want fool me once and love was lost, paper-thin; your words, they haunt my dreams the seams have come undone"_ Ben risked a glance up at your face. You were listening intently.

_"Don’t you dare say I’m gonna make it, 'Cause I don’t believe a word you say. There’s a sickness living inside me You can spare me all your sympathy."_ Ben lay his palm over the strings of the guitar, stopping the sound of the chords floating around the two of you. He looked up at you through his dark curls, flicking them out of his eyes with a quick jerk of his head.

He could see the tears welling in your eyes as you swallowed harshly. He reached his hand out to rest it on your cheek, and you flinched. Ben pulled his hand away before resting the guitar on the roof of the car next to him. He scooted a little closer to you and rested a hand on your back between your shoulders to pull you against him for a hug. You pulled away and climbed off of the car.

You slowly opened the door to your own car, climbing in and starting if before pulling away and leaving Ben sitting on the roof of his car with tears in his eyes and a heavy heart. He didn’t know what else to do to reach out to you. Music was the way he knew how to best express himself, but you didn’t respond. He slid off the roof, grabbing the guitar and setting it on the backseat of the Falcon before climbing in and driving home.

Ben trudged in the door with his backpack slung over one shoulder, his other hand holding the worn neck of the guitar. He dropped both on the floor before dropping to the ground and untying his boots, taking deep shaky breaths. He stood from the ground, shrugging off his leather jacket and let it fall to the floor as he walked to the backyard with the guitar.

He was going to do the only thing he knew he could do right. Write songs. He already had a couple tunes to choose from, now he just needed the words. He opened the door, walking out and sitting on the porch swing with the guitar resting on his lap as he strummed one of the tunes he had. He took a deep breath, singing the words that came to mind.

” _I don’t feel anything,“_ Ben slowly rocked the swing back and forth, thinking about his life. You, his best friend being hurt and thinking you deserved it.

” _My mind tells me I can’t get out of this,“_ His mother, working three jobs at a time to support them. Coming home exhausted and still insisting on doing the typical motherly things, cooking Ben dinner, going to his parent-teacher conferences, pushing herself.

_"I won’t fall for it, never show them what weakness is."_ Ben could feel his blood slowly boiling when he thought about how his father had up and left one day, claiming it was for work. He’d gotten on a flight and never come back.

_"I don’t feel anything,"_ It was a lie. Ben suddenly stood, filled with nothing but anger and longing. Longing for his father to tell him what to do, longing for you to be safe, longing for his mother to comfort him, longing to feel _something_ other than the sadness that had run through his mind since his father left.

Ben gripped the neck of the guitar, lifting it above his head and smashing it against the cement with a broken yell. The body of the guitar splintered and cracked as he brought it down again with a cry of anguish. He felt the salty tears dripping down his cheeks and into his mouth as he cried. The body finally cracked into the separate pieces with a sickening crunch.

Ben fell to his knee, ripping the fabric of his jeans on the concrete as he released his grip on the guitar, laying on the cold cement as tears rolled down his cheeks and onto the gray ground beneath him. He cried quietly, wishing so much to just slip into blackness.

_"My mind tells me I can’t get out of this, I won’t fall for it I feel my bones as they’re tightening”_ Ben whispered to the ground as the sun sank below the horizon and Ben sank into unconsciousness.


	3. Red

****

_**two weeks later** _

it was Sunday, the day you were dreading. You had no way to avoid Hux and your parents were going to be gone for another week. They’d called you that morning, saying they’d decided to extend their vacation. You’d smiled and said you’d be alright, they’d transferred more money to your account for food. You’d hung up and given a loud groan. You then called Poe.

_“Hey (y/n), how’s my favorite cousin doing?”_ He asked. You could hear the smile on his face through his voice. You took a breath before letting it out.

“Hey Poe, I’m alright. Can I borrow BB-8 for awhile?” You asked. You often ‘stole’ Poe’s large dog. You used the excuse that you were lonely, or that Angel needed someone to play with, no matter what excuse you used Poe always agreed to let you have him for however long you wanted.

_“You know you’re always welcome to take this crazy mutt off my hands for however long you need. But first let me ask you, why do you always take my dog?”_ You didn’t know how to tell Poe that sometimes your boyfriend needed encouragement to stay on his side of the couch. That BB-8 was the only dog you had access to that Hux seemed to be wary of. So you just told him you were lonely because your parents were still on their anniversary trip to Cuba.

Before you knew it Poe was at your house with BB-8, holding the dog’s thick leather leash in his hand as the mountain of fur yipped and pulled against his leash as Angel jumped and barked at the window. You opened the front door, Angel streaking out of the house. Poe unhooked BB-8’s leash and the two dogs took off chasing each other.

You followed Angel out the door, meeting Poe at his car. You leaned against the sleek new vehicle and watched as Angel rolled BB-8 onto his back, mouth gently closed around BB-8’s throat as their tails both wagged before Angel pulled away and BB-8 flipped himself over, front near the ground with his tail in the air. The two continued their romp and you turned to Poe.

“Thanks so much for letting me borrow him. It’s getting a little quiet with just us around here.” You said with a chuckle. Poe smiled and pulled you into a hug as BB-8 trotted over and shoved his nose against Poe’s hip, searching his pocket for the treats Poe usually kept there.

“No problem cous’. He gets a little bored by himself anyway. It’s good for him to have a friend” Poe said, digging in his pocket and telling BB-8 to sit. The dog obeyed without hesitation, watching Poe’s hand intently. Poe handed you the treat, transfering BB-8’s focus over to you before you handed him the treat and waved goodbye to Poe as he got back in his car and pulled out.

You walked back into the house, watching Poe’s car pull down the street. You turned around to see BB-8 had laid himself across the entirety of one couch, his paws dangling off the edge. You smiled at the sight of him, feeling more secure now that you had Poe’s large guard dog asleep in your house.

You glanced across the street, remembering the lights from last night and found yourself wondering once again if Ben was alright. You shook it off, it didn’t matter anyway. You decided to take a walk to clear your head and started packing a bag with a bottle of water and two dog bowls. You grabbed the leashes and walked back into the living room to see the dogs with their heads lifted attentively. You laughed and called them to you, clipping the leases onto the collars before walking out of the house and locking the door behind you.

“Alright boys, how about we walk to Burger King and get an Icee hm?” You asked. The dogs just looked at you as you took the short walk down the driveway onto the street. You didn’t see Ben sitting up watching out the window as you walked, both leashes held in your one hand as the two dogs trotted at your heels.

* * *

The walk was a good distance. Not long enough to tire you or the dogs but just long enough that you felt you’d all gotten good exercise. When you reached the restaurant you tied their leashes to the bike racks in the shade and gave them water in the bowls you’d brought before walking into the building to order a single cherry Icee.

You walked back out to see an unfamiliar man knelt next to the dog’s, ruffling their fur while they covered his face with their tongue’s. You cleared your throat as you walked closer and the man paused, looking up with a sheepish grin.

“Sorry, I just had to stop and say hello. They’re beautiful dogs.” He said. You nodded with a small smile and sat down next to the two. Angel turned and leaned into you, sticking his tongue out to lick the Icee cup you held. You pulled it away and gave him a stern look. Angel lowered his head and wagged his tail slowly.

“They are, I’m (y/n).” You said, holding your hand out for him to shake. He took it with a smile and gave it a firm shake before sitting next to BB-8 and continuing to pet the dog’s side as you poured the water from one bowl into the other and emptied a third of the icee into the bowl, pushing it in front of Angel who lapped it up hungrily.

“I’m Finn, if you don’t mind my asking who are these?” He asked, gesturing to the two dogs. Angel lifted his head, the fur around his mouth stained bright red from the icee. BB-8 leaned over to sniff at Angel’s mouth before licking his muzzle. Angel shoved his head back into the bowl to lap up the remains of the Icee.

“Well this is Angel,” You said as you pulled Angel’s head out of the bowl, refilling it and pushing it to BB-8. “and this is BB-8.” You said. BB-8 took an experimental lick at the red substance before taking a chunk of it in his mouth and dropping it with a quiet yelp. Angel reached his nose into the bowl and you tugged him away by his collar.

“Good names for dogs.” Finn said with a chuckle. You nodded and scratched under Angel’s collar as BB-8 ate his share of the icee and you started on yours. “What breeds are they? I mean, I can tell Angel’s a shepherd, good build on him too by the way. But what about BB?” He asked, running a hand over the dog’s fur again.

“He’s a giant Alaskan malamute.” You said, stroking BB-8’s massive head. “He’s my cousin’s dog he’s just staying with me for awhile.” You said as the dog finished eating the Icee. You used a little bit of water to rinse the bowl before refilling it with water and letting the dogs take another drink before they lay down and closed their eyes, their tails resting over the others back.

“Never seen one this big before.” Finn said, marveling at how big BB-8 was now that he was stretched out to his full length. You stroked Bb-8’s back with a smile as Finn pushed himself to his feet.

“Well it was nice to meet you and to talk to you (y/n) but I should be going, my lunch break isn’t that long.” He said with a laugh. He offered his hand to you and you took it as he helped you up. You bid goodbye to him before packing up the bowls and untying the dog’s leashes, beginning the trek home.

* * *

As you neared your house you could see the familiar black charger in your driveway and felt your heart sink. He wasn’t going to be happy that you weren’t there when he got there. Your grip on the leashes tightened and BB-8 immediately sensed your tension, raising his head in alert as he stopped his panting. His tail was still as the three of you approached the house. Angel recognized the scent on the wind and let out a low growl.

You snapped Angel’s leash back sharply and he stopped his growl, but not before BB-8 picked up on his body language and pulled his lips back in a snarl, pushing his way ahead of you and walking stiff-legged as you reached the end of the driveway. Hux threw the door open to his car, walking towards you.

“Why the hell did you leave?” He snapped. You paused and BB-8 walked to the end of his leash, ears shoved forward as he let out a harsh growl. Hux paused when he saw the large dog, beginning to skirt around him but BB-8 continued following to stand between you two no matter where he went.

“So you go out and cheat on me then?” Hux snarled. You narrowed your eyes and tilted your head. What was he talking about?

“Don’t play dumb, I saw you with that guy, talking up a storm. What were you even talking about (y/n)?” He snapped. He couldn’t have been talking about Finn, how would he even know you’d been talking to him unless,

“Were you following me?” You asked. Hux took a bold step towards you but BB-8 lunged forward with a throaty bark, Angel close behind. Hux stepped back to a safer distance as you walked forward, walking a large circle around Hux to keep BB-8 and Angel far enough from him that they wouldn’t injure him.

“Good thing I was. Now I know my girlfriends a lying whore.” He said harshly. You shook your head with a scoff. Hux glared at you over the dogs as you slowly backed towards the house, pulling BB-8 and Angel with you. Hux crossed his arms and let you go before you reached the house, closing the door and stroking the dog’s heads.

“Good boys, good dogs. Thank you.” You said as tears pooled in your eyes. You stood straight and the dogs walked into the kitchen. You were about to follow them when the door slammed open behind you. You whirled around only for Hux to push his way in and slam it, pinning you against the wall and kissing you harshly.

“I thought I was a lying whore.” You said quietly when he pulled away.

“You are. So I should remind you who you belong to.” Hux snarled, pulling away and trying to shove you to your knees again. You let out a cry and BB-8 came barreling in with a loud bark. He stood on his back legs, planting his paws on Hux’s shoulders and shoving him back. Hux managed to catch his balance, holding BB-8 back as the dog snapped at his face, jumping and pushing Hux back against the wall. Angel ran in barking and nipping at Hux’s feet. You pushed the door open.

“BB down.” You said. BB-8 immediately dropped to the ground with a growl, backing away from Hux as you gestured to the open door. “Get out Hux. I don’t want to see you again.” You said quietly. Hux made a move to step closer and you flinched as BB-8 growled. Hux pointed a finger at you as he walked out the door.

“You’ll come running back. You’re nothing without me and you know it.” He said harshly. You closed the door and sank to the ground as BB-8 and Angel licked the tears from your face as BB-8 pushed his way into your lap.

You sat and cried quietly as the dogs fell asleep. You found yourself wishing you weren’t as alone, even though you had the dogs. You wished you had Ben, he was after all your best friend. But he was across the street and probably wanted nothing to do with you.

_“(Y/n)?” Ben asked quietly, poking his head through your door. It had been a lazy weekend and you were taking a nap while your parents ran errands. Ben must’ve used the spare key. You opened your eyes to see him wearing a red t-shirt and black jeans as he walked into your room and kicked off his shoes, climbing under the covers with you. After being friends for six years this wasn’t uncommon._

_“What is it Ben?” You asked as you rubbed sleep from your eyes. As your vision cleared you could see the dried tear tracks down his cheeks and sat up. Ben took a deep shaky breath before answering._

_“It’s my dad.” He said. You were fully alert now. Han Solo was a good hard-working man, but he was tough. You’d never heard him tell Ben he loved him, never heard Han call Ben son, and Han never acknowledged Ben existed when you were there with him._

_Tears started flowing down Ben’s red cheeks again and you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders, pulling him against you. Ben buried his face in your neck, wrapping his arms around your waist and squeezing you so tight you felt your back pop._

_“Benji what happened?” You asked, using the nickname that never failed to make him laugh. Ben took a deep breath and pulled away, wiping his nose on the inside collar of his shirt._

_“He left.” Ben said quietly. Your face must have given away your confusion because he went on._

_“The bastard just picked up and left us. He left mom a note, basically said 'I’m leaving don’t come after me.’” Ben hissed through his teeth. You pulled his head back against you, running your fingers through his hair._

_“Who does that? Who just leaves their old life like they didn’t even care?” Ben whispered in pain. You shushed him and Ben pulled you closer, wrapping one leg over yours to try to pull you closer to him as he let out another sob._

_“He just left.” Ben muttered into your hair. You shushed him again and rubbed his back comfortingly, sliding one hand up his shirt and gently dragging your nails over his skin. He loved when people scratched his back and you hoped it would help him calm down._

_“It’s alright Ben. You still have Leia, she won’t leave. I won’t leave you. It’s ok Ben.” You said. You heard Ben’s cries quiet as he drifted off. You slowly started to drift off as well, the last thing in your vision being Ben’s red T-shirt._

You suddenly shot to your feet. You needed someone and the only one you could think of was Ben. You crept to the window, peeking out and seeing no sign of Hux you left your house and walked across the street to knock on the Solo’s door.

Leia answered with a tired look on her face, but still giving you her kind smile. Her hair was down and flowed around her shoulders as her eyes sparkled. She pulled you into a warm hug before pulling away, holding you at arms length as she looked at you.

“(y/n) dear it’s been so long since I’ve seen you, how are you doing?” She asked as she led you inside. You answered quietly, ignoring the twinge of the bruises on your ribs as you walked. You glanced around the living room, the familiar comfort of the Solo household washing over you.

“Mom who is it?” You heard a familiar voice ask. You looked to see Ben walking down the hall in nothing but a pair of gray sweatpants. His hair was ruffled and he hadn’t shaved that morning. He looked at you with a mix of confusion and what looked almost like anger.

“Oh.” He said quietly. Leia seemed to sense the tension and excused herself, saying she was prepping for dinner and rushed back to the kitchen. You cleared your throat and gave Ben a small wave. Ben continued his walk down the hall until he was standing close enough in front of you that you could count the moles on his face.

“Hi Benji.” You said. Ben flinched at the nickname and looked down at the ground between his bare feet. He glanced back up at you and swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.

“Hey.” He said quietly. You reached out and brushed your fingers against his. He reached his hand forward and held your hand. You felt as if the weight of the world was lifted from your shoulders with that simple movement. You let out the breath you’d been holding and Ben took another step closer.

“How’ve you been?” He asked quietly. You shook your head and leaned into his chest, letting more tears fall from your eyes. Ben slowly wrapped his arms around you, rubbing your back as you wrapped your arms around his waist and cried into his bare chest. Ben rested his chin atop your head and felt his own tears pooling in his eyes.

“Everything hurts Ben.” You whispered. Ben pulled you away and leaned down slightly to look in your eyes, brushing your (h/c) hair out of your eyes. You looked at him, then to the kitchen to make sure Leia wasn’t watching, and pulled your shirt up just high enough for him to see the fading bruises on your stomach.

Ben immediately dropped to his knees and pushed your shirt up higher. He stopped before it revealed the bottom of your bra and examined the black and blue marks that were tender to the touch. He ghosted his fingers over them and you flinched.

“(y/n), did, did Hux do this?” He asked as he stood and pulled your shirt back down. You looked at the ground and nodded sheepishly.

“I-I left him, Ben please don’t be mad at me.” You pleaded. It had become second nature to beg for forgiveness for everything. It had saved you a few times. Ben tilted your head to look up at him, at the tears dripping down his red cheeks as he pulled you into a hug.

“Why would I be mad at you, this wasn’t your fault.” He said quietly as he led you to the couch. He sat and you sank into his lap, holding him close as you cried silently. It meant the world to you that Ben, your best friend, told you it wasn’t your fault.

Ben sat and held you tightly. He seemed so calm as he rubbed your back, his lips pressed against the top of your head comfortingly. He had to put on a front for you, but inside was a different story. Inside Ben was seeing red. Hux’s red hair as he punched him in the nose. He wanted Hux to know what it felt like to be hit, to beg for something that he shouldn’t have to beg for. He wanted Hux to know what it felt like to have the person you love hurt you.

But Ben couldn’t do that, so he’d settle for breaking his ribs.


	4. Silver

After making an excuse to Leia, she agreed to let you stay the rest of the weekend at the Solo house. They didn’t have a guest room, but Leia said she didn’t have a problem with you sleeping in Ben’s bed if he didn’t have a problem with it. Ben of course didn’t have a problem either (he was planning to share the bed anyway), so a few trips back to your house to get clothes, toiletries, and the dogs, and you were settling in for dinner with the Solo’s.

“So dear how have you been?” Leia asked. You flashed her a smile before launching into a halfhearted explanation of how the past two weeks had gone. She sensed your hesitance when it came to why you wanted to stay and avoided the topic. After a few hours you were all settling into bed.

“Ben what are you doing?” you asked when Ben pulled the covers back from your shivering form and slid into bed next to you. He didn’t answer just reached over you to turn the lamp on the table off before rolling over so his back was pressed against yours. You welcomed the heat that radiated off his large form.

You couldn’t help but think how different your life would be if you had never dated Hux. You’d most likely be with Ben, sharing moments like this far more often. You rolled over and wrapped your arms around him. Ben lifted his weight to allow you to slide your other arm under his chest before you crossed your arms over his chest. You tangled your legs with his and pressed your cheek against his back between his shoulder blades.

Ben was glad you couldn’t see the pink blush slowly spreading over his cheeks. He scooted back just enough that he could feel your chest against his back and let out a content sigh. He’d missed nights like this, nights where he’d sneak through your window or you’d sneak through his and the two of you would hold each other and fall asleep. Half the time it ended up with Ben on the floor and you cocooned in the blankets but he’d never minded, as long as you were there.

When you woke in the morning you couldn’t breathe. You quickly came to the conclusion it was because Ben had rolled over so he was laying on top of you, compressing your chest and squishing all of the air out of your lungs. You moved the arm that wasn’t pinned under you, feeling down Ben’s figure until you found the spot on his hip where he wasn’t as toned and lean. You pinched the little bit of fat he had and he yelped, throwing himself off of you as you chuckled and sat up.

“Rude,” Ben said, rubbing his side. “don’t abuse my muffin top.” He whined, giving you a pouty look as he stood off the bed and stretched. You heard his bones pop as he reached above his head, his sweatpants sliding down his hips to give you the prefect view of his v-line and happy trail disappearing below the waistband.

You tore your eyes away as Ben caught where you were looking and moved his hips teasingly in your direction. You stuck your tongue out at him and he chuckled while walking over to the closet and grabbing a shirt.

“You want it?” He asked boldly. You jerked your head up from your phone, taken aback as Ben dropped his sweats while he grabbed a pair of jeans. He was standing there in a tight t-shirt and boxers, that were well filled out. Your cheeks flushed and you could feel your cheeks heating up.

Ben turned around to see the look on your face and let out a roar of laughter as he pulled on his jeans and buttoned them, running a hand through his unruly locks.

“Relax, I was teasing.” He said, tossing you one of his shirts. You quickly changed when he stepped out of the room before following him out of the room and down the stairs where Leia had left a note and a plate of bacon for the two of you. Ben glanced at the clock and swore, grabbing half of the bacon and shoving it in his mouth while rushing to the front room to grab his backpack.

You calmly led the dogs outside and gave each a strip of bacon, leaving them with the promise you’d be back, before walking into the house and putting on socks and shoes. Ben ran in, holding your bags in one hand and his car keys in the other. You took your bag and followed him out to the falcon. You set your bags in the back as Ben threw his next to you before climbing into the driver’s seat, starting the car and pulling out as you buckled your seatbelt.

“Ben, it’s 5:30 why are you panicking?” You asked, looking at the clock. Ben shot down the road, breaking speed laws and blowing a few stop signs.

“Dance team meets for practice at 6:00 right?” Ben said, checking the street signs as he blew past them before reaching down to pull the handbrake and drifting around the corner, cutting off a ‘microtruck’ as they were fondly nicknamed. The truck blasted their horn as Ben blew down the street.

“Yeah but I’m sure Phasma won’t mind.” You said as the school came into sight. Ben had gotten you there in twenty minutes where it would normally take forty five. He pulled into a parking spot near the gym doors and reached behind him to grab your backpack and dance bag for you. You took them and climbed out of the car.

“Hey, don’t be late kitten.” He said You stuck your tongue out at him as you shut the door. He leaned over and unrolled the window when you knocked on it.

“Aren’t you going in?” You asked. Ben scoffed and shook his head.

“I’m ditching today, I’ve got a gig after school. You’re coming kitten i’ll be here before fourth.” Ben said as he pulled out of the spot. You stepped away from the car as he gunned it, the engine roaring as he shot out of the parking lot. You rolled your eyes and walked towards the gym doors, stepping in and making a B-line towards the locker room.

* * *

“Benny, where’ve you been man?” Mitaka asked when Ben stepped into the venue. Ben shrugged his guitar case off his shoulder as he stepped onto the stage and shook hands with Mitaka, the drummer, and Finn, the bassist. Ben knelt down and started setting up his amp and microphone.

“Had to get the girl out of my bed.” Ben said with a wink as he stood up, sliding the strap of his guitar over his head and starting to tune it. Finn walked up and slapped him on the back with a chuckle.

“Finally swiped that card huh?” He teased. Ben scoffed and shook his head.

“Nah, it’s the girl I want to but we’re just friends. She slept over.” He said, changing the pitch of one of the strings. Finn and Mitaka rolled their eyes as Finn played a chord on his bass.

“She did seem pretty impressed with this though.” Ben said, gesturing to his hips. Finn scoffed.

“Probably amazed at how small your morning wood is.” Finn replied. Mitaka 'oooh-ed’ and played the classic _ba-dum-tss_ on the drum set. Ben gave a sly smile.

“Y'know the thing Mitaka always used to say, what was it? Drummers do it harder,” Ben gestured to Mitaka, “bassists do it deeper,” He pointed to Finn, “singers do it louder,” Ben rested his finger against his chest, “and guitarists,” Ben did a complex series of notes on his guitar, “do it faster.” Ben finished. He glanced towards the boys.

“And guess what?,” Ben said, laying a hand across the strings of his guitar to stop the noise. _“I’m both”_ Ben sang into the mic, hearing it echo out across the empty floor. Mitaka and Finn rolled their eyes as Mitaka held the mic as close as possible to one of the cymbals before hitting it as hard as he could. Ben jumped into the air with a yelp and whirled around to face him.

“You said louder.” Mitaka said with a sweet smile. Ben stuck his tongue out at him. The venue owner, Ben’s uncle, walked in.

“You boys sound like you’re having fun.” Luke said with a straight face, taking a drink from his water bottle as a brown cloak swished behind him. Luke was a traditional man who preferred a cloak to a coat. He was never seen without one.

“Hey uncle Luke.” Ben said. Luke nodded his approval before sitting in one of the empty chairs closest to the stage.

“Let’s hear one of your songs then so I can decide whether to boot you out or not.” Luke said. Ben rolled his eyes, it was something his uncle always threatened. “do your opener.”

* * *

It was now between third and fourth period, and you had somehow convinced yourself to ditch your history class to meet Ben. You’d snuck past the hall monitor and made your way outside to stand in the far corner of the parking lot behind the trees to wait for Ben.

You didn’t have to wait long, you looked up to see Ben’s Falcon speeding towards you, music blasting through the speakers and floating out through the open windows. Ben screeched to a halt in front of you and leaned over to open the door. You climbed into the car and shut the door as Ben sped off.

“What’s the rush?” You asked with a chuckle as Ben drifted around the corner and sped towards the center of the town. Ben glanced over with a smile and sang along to the music at the top of his lungs. The two of you pulled into the parking lot of a club you recognized called 'The Millennium’, the club Ben’s father ran on the side.

“Ben?” You questioned. He stepped out of the car and walked around to your side to open the door for you.

“My uncle owns it now, c'mon.” He said, pulling you towards the doors. You laughed and shut the car door before running towards the doors with Ben.

“It’s mostly college students right now, they’re a pretty good audience, they like our music.” Ben said. You followed Ben through the crowd as he pulled you under the ropes around the stage, offering you a place to sit on the edge of the stage right by his place on stage. He picked up his guitar and slung the strap over his shoulders before picking up the mic.

“Welcome to the Millennium!” Ben called, he was met with a few halfhearted cheers before continuing.

“Before we start, who here knows who we are?” Ben asked, he was met with louder cheers as a few people jumped up and waved at Ben. Ben chuckled and waved back.

“So for those of you who are new here, we are the Knights of Ren,” Ben paused for the cheers, “and this is my best friend (y/n).” He said, gesturing to you. You waved shyly from where you sat, a little anxious about all the pairs of eyes on you.

“She’s never seen a concert from us so give her a warm welcome and make her feel at home, OK guys?” Ben asked. Everyone cheered and you felt your face heat up.

“Alright now who’s ready for some music?” Ben yelled over the cheers. He played an opening rift on his guitar and launched into a song.

_“God has taken my eyes  
_ _If I see no reflection  
_ _How the hell do I know I’m alive?_   


_As the darkness bleeds into my mind  
_

_The force that screams to give up  
_

_Is grave enough to carve my name into a stone”_

A few people began to sing along to the song you recognized from a few days after Han left, you’d walked into the backyard of the Solo house to hear Ben singing along in a broken cracked voice.

* * *

_“Ben?” You called, Leia had said he was in the backyard. You couldn’t see him but you could hear him._

_“_ Inspired by hope or defined by disease?  
If you knew what it meant to be me”

_You followed the sound of his voice and the strumming of the guitar out to the far corner of the yard. You looked up to see Ben perched in the Y-junction of his favorite tree._

_“_ Could you close your eyes and never say "never”?

Or would you call this the end of the road?

I’m running out of memories, a shell of what I used to be

As this curse drains the life out of me"

_You sat on the bed of leaves that had fallen from the tree. Ben hadn’t seen you yet, otherwise he would’ve stopped playing and you wanted anything but that._

_“_ God has taken my eyes  
Yet blind faith couldn’t kill me

It just is what it is between him and I

I’ve made sense of my senses

And found my defenses internally

This is what sets me free

Inspired by hope or defined by disease?  
If you knew what it meant to be me”

_You could almost hear the tears dripping down Bens cheeks and staining his shirt, as they must’ve been._

_“_ Could you close your eyes and never say "never”?

Or would you call this the end of the road?

I’m running out of memories, a shell of what I used to be

As this curse drains the life out of me

Even if I never see again  
I know I will breathe again  
With the strength of a thousand men  
I won’t let this be my end  
  
Even if I never see again  
I know I will breathe again  
With the strength of a thousand men

I won’t let this be my end"

_You stood and started climbing the tree, trying to make as little noise as possible. Ben saw you climbing and stopped playing._

_“How long have you been there?” He asked. You gave a small, sad smile, and rested your hand on his knee._

_“All of it.” Ben rested his guitar on the platform he’d built and leaned forward to pull you into a hug, burying his face into your shoulder and letting out a few sobs._

* * *

_“Inspired by hope or defined by disease?  
_

_If you knew what it meant to be me_

_Could you close your eyes and never say "never”?_  
Or would you call this the end of the road?  
I’m running out of memories, a shell of what I used to be  
As this curse drains the life out of me  


_I won’t let this drain the life out of me"_

You looked up at Ben to see the emotion in his voice. This was your best friend, so passionate about his music, loving his family and friends with all his heart, giving his all to anybody to help them.

“Thanks guys, for this next song I want to have (y/n) sing with me.” He held out his hand to you and you laughed, taking his hand as he pulled you to your feet.

“This girl right here, she’s helped me through so much in my life, so this song is for her.” He said, he started strumming a few chords and you immediately recognized the song.

“Ben I can’t get my voice that low.” You chuckled. He leaned over and whispered in your ear.

“I’ve got that part covered, just sing.” He said with a smile. You let out a huff and stepped closer to Ben, leaning into the mic as he sang.

_“We struggle to our feet  
_

_We all yearn to be free  
_

_We fight yet we’re weak  
_

_We all call out our grieve  
_

_This goddamn life is our disease  
_

_But we can’t always fucking weep  
_

_We can always turn the tide  
_

_We can all stand up and sing, "Never alone”“_ Ben’s voice dropped a few octaves as his words turned to growls, you always found that difference amusing. Here was coming the part he wanted you to sing, and you prayed you remembered it.

_"We fight together, not alone  
_ __**We fight together, not alone**   


_No matter where our bodies roam  
_

_**This place is now what we call home  
** _

_Never alone_ _”_ Ben supplied the echo to your words as you got into the rhythm of the song and started singing from your heart.

_“Never alone, never apart  
_

_We found each other in the dark  
_

_We shed our tears and fight our fears  
_

_As we are one, the lonely hearts  
_

_Never alone, never apart  
_

_We found each other in the dark  
_

_We shed our tears and fight our fears  
_

_As we are one, the lonely hearts”_ The bext verse was one Ben had to do, but before he could start into it someone slammed their hand down on the stage. You glanced down and felt your blood turn to ice when you saw Hux haul himself onto the stage.

“So you leave me and your first instinct is to run back to _him?”_ Hux snarled, stalking towards you. Ben pushed himself between you and Hux and glared slightly down at the redhead.

“Move _Solo_ , this is between me and my girlfriend.” Hux growled. Ben took off his guitar and handed it to Mitaka who had stepped to have Ben’s back. Hux let out a sharp bark of laughter at the look on Ben’s face.

“You’re willing to fight me for her? Really? Solo you could so much better than that slut, just let me take her off your hands.” Hux said. You shrank back further behind Ben as Ben shrugged off his jacket and dropped it onto the ground, lifting his fists and bending his knees into a boxers position.

“Well if you insist.” Hux threw himself towards Ben, aiming low. Hux got his arms around Ben’s waist and continued pushing Ben backwards towards the back of the stage, and towards you. Finn wrapped his arms around you and pulled you out of the way as Hux slammed Ben into the ground where you’d been standing moments before.

Ben’s head slammed back against the ground with a thud and Ben hissed between his teeth. Hux straddled Ben’s hips and started swinging. Ben lifted his knees, slamming them against Hux’s back, pushing his head towards Ben’s. Ben snapped his head up and slammed it against Hux’s nose, releasing a spurt of blood down the ginger’s face.

Hux fell back and swore, losing his balance and landing on his back with one hand clutched to his bleeding nose. Ben picked himself up and wiped his bleeding lip as Hux rolled onto his hands and knees and tried to pull himself up, Ben walked towards Hux and grabbed him by the collar, hauling him to his feet and pinning him against the wall.

“This is for ruining my show,” Ben punched Hux in the stomach just under his ribs, causing Hux to double over in pain. “this is for my lip,” Ben grabbed Hux’s head and brought his knee up to meet it, knocking Hux onto his back, “and this” Ben raised his large black boot, positioning the heel over Hux’s crotch, “is for (y/n). For every _fucking_ thing you did to her, everything you put her through.”

Ben lifted his foot and was about to slam it down when two officers jumped up on stage and grabbed Ben, one pinned his arms back while the other grabbed his leg to keep him from lowering it.

“No!” Ben yelled, struggling against the two officers as another helped Hux to his feet. Hux flashed Ben a wicked grin as The two officers pushed him against the wall, wrestling his arms in an attempt to snap his wrists into a silver pair of handcuffs.

“He’s a bastard! He deserves it! He needs to know how it felt!” Ben cried out. He began pushing against the two officers, trying to pull his wrists away from them.

“Let, me,” Ben pulled one hand away from them and planted it against the wall to help push him away from it, “Go!”

The officers lost their grip and Ben shot towards Hux with the handcuffs dangling from one wrist. Ben gripped onto Hux’s collar and landed another solid hit to his diaphragm before three officers grabbed onto Ben and hauled him away. Ben was spitting curses as fury boiled his blood. The officers managed to wrestle him into the cuffs and drag him out of the building to push him into the car.

“Ben!” You finally pulled yourself out of your shock enough to realize what had happened, you made a move to dash out the door when Finn and Mitaka caught you and held you back.

“(y/n), please just hang on a second, honey you can’t go please just wait.” Finn tried to reason as you fought against him with tears streaming down your cheeks. Mitaka ran off and returned with Luke a few moments later. The older man looked you in the eyes before planting his hands on your shoulders.

“Look at me.” He said when you refused to meet his gaze. You looked up into kind blue eyes and stopped fighting, your breath heaving in your chest.

“My nephew is strong. That’s one good thing that came from his father. Don’t you worry about him.” He said. You swallowed a sob and nodded slightly. Finn released his hold on you as Luke pulled off his cloak and handed it to you. You took it and wrapped it around your shoulders.

“Come on, let’s get you calmed down.” Luke said, leading you away from the silver lit stage.


	5. Purple

Luke shuffled around the little office tucked into the back of the club. After looking around the club, you'd decided it wasn't the type of club that raves and parties took place at, it was more like a bar where people who just wanted a drink or two would hang out with and didn't necessarily cater to the rowdy crowd.

"You're worried I can tell." Luke said, looking up from his desk where he'd pulled out a stack of pictures. You swallowed meekly. You remembered clearly how often Luke was around after Han left, helping Leia raise Ben during the shaky months afterward, the days Ben almost ran away, the days he'd climb through your window into your bed to cry on your shoulder with fresh scars on his arms and bruises on his knuckles from punching the wall.

"Of course I'm worried, aren't you?" You questioned Luke. He took another drink from his water bottle and shook his head with a grunt.

"Your nephew just started a fight in your club, beat somebody, and then got arrested, and you're not worried?" you asked incredulously. Luke looked at you with a quirked eyebrow as if begging you to continue your rant.

Instead, you sighed and put your head in your hands. This was all your fault, if you hadn't agreed to come to the show with Ben then Hux never would have showed up and Ben wouldn't be sitting in jail.

"He's been arrested before." Luke said, very matter of fact, while looking through the stack of pictures. He plucked one out and handed it to you. The picture showed a 13-year-old Ben, dressed in a black hoodie and jeans sitting in a holding cell in the police station pouting while someone took the picture of him.

"Took that the last time he got arrested for picking a fight. He beat them up too, had a good reason though." Luke said. You tilted your head, why had he taken a picture of Ben instead of helping him?

"Don't worry, he just got fined, Leia and I paid it, then grounded him for a month and made him work off the fine. And he didn't kill anybody this time so worst case he gets a fine, maybe a night in jail, and he's done." Luke explained. That did make sense, it was in self-defense, Ben hadn't thrown the first punch. You looked up to see Luke fiddling with his computer and a USB stick, when you realized what he was doing. Luke had hidden cameras all around the club, and he was pulling the footage from them.

"C'mon, you'll need to tell them what happened down at the police station." Luke said, heading out of the office and walking through the now empty club.

* * *

"Ms. (y/l/n), what happened to provoke the fight?" The deputy asked as she sat down across from you. She was petite, with curly black hair that stopped just above her shoulder.

"Well, Armi-, Hux, he climbed onto the stage and started getting in Ben's face. Calling me names, threatening me, so Ben got between me and Hux and he put his hands up, then Hux charged him and someone pulled me out of the way and then everything is just," you paused and put your hand over your mouth as you remembered the _thwack_ sound Ben's head made as it snapped back against the ground.

"Ok, hey, it's ok. You're not in trouble. Now, did Ben do anything to start the fight? Did he say anything?" The deputy asked. You thought back and shook your head, Ben hadn't said a word in response to Hux's taunts.

"No, he just put his hands up when Hux wouldn't back down. He was just trying to defend me." You responded.

"Ok, now why was Armitage upset?"

"I um, we broke up last week. He didn't take it well, he kept coming to my house, I've been staying with Ben and his mom the past few days." You explained. The deputy wrote down a few notes on her notepad as she nodded along, then looked up at you with a smile.

"Well, with what you've told us and the footage from Mr. Skywalker to corroborate, the assault and battery charges against Ben will be dropped. He was defending you and did nothing to instigate the fight." You felt the weight lifted off your shoulders.

"However, he will still be charged with resisting arrest. Since there was no harm to an officer it will be a misdemeanor charge and he'll only be charged with probation for three years and a fine of $400." She explained. You furrowed your eyebrows.

"Probation, in this case, just means that he can't get picked up for the same crime in the next two years or he'll be punished with jail time." The deputy explained. You nodded, pursing your lips.

"Well, that's all we needed you for, thank you Ms. (y/l/n), you can wait here, and we'll have Ben out in a minute." The deputy said, standing and offering her hand for you to shake. You took it and stood, turning when you heard a commotion coming from the back of the station where they had the holding cell.

"Hey, hey! you said the charges were dropped why are you still walking me out in cuffs?" You heard Ben snap. You heard the jangling of the chain on Ben's jeans as the cops bustled him from the back towards the doors of the station. You felt overwhelmed upon seeing him and rushed towards him.

"Ben!" You cried as you ran towards him and threw your arms around his neck, standing on your toes. He lowered his head and tucked it against your neck, letting out a deep sigh and relaxing himself against you. The officers finally let go of his arms and uncuffed him, allowing him to wrap his arms around your waist.

"god (y/n) you're ok, they dragged me away and I didn't know what happened to you and-" You cut Ben's rambling off by pushing your face against his neck. Ben sighed and pulled away from you, looking up to see Luke walking out of a separate office.

"No no, thank you chief. I promise you won't see him in here again, don't worry about him." Luke shut the door behind him and walked swiftly towards you and Ben, his cloak billowing behind him.

"Benjamin Lando Solo, I cannot believe you'd be involved in a fight in _my_ place of business." Luke hissed as he reached up and grabbed Ben's ear, dragging him out the door. You could hear snickering from the officers behind you. You followed close behind as Ben winced and grimaced. He tripped over his feet as Luke dragged him out of the building and towards his old beat up car.

"I understand, that boy was a, a kriffing idiot, but getting in a _fight_? I thought your mother had raised you better." Luke said. Ben pulled himself away and straightened his shirt, stomping his foot against the ground.

"Luke, I get it I was stupid. But, if you knew, if you knew what he did, then you'd have done the same thing." Ben said, running his fingers over the purple bruises forming on his knuckles. Luke's stance softened as he watched how Ben shuffled his feet against the blacktop.

* * *

_"(y/n) what's wrong?" Ben asked when he saw you sitting by yourself tucked in a corner of the hallway while everybody else was at lunch._

_"Nothing." You said, wiping your face with the sleeve of Ben's blue jacket you'd stolen a few days ago. You sniffled and pulled your knees up closer as Ben sat down on the ground and shuffled towards you._

_"(y/n) somethings wrong, please tell me what it is?" Ben asked. You shoved your face against the purple sleeve and sniffled again._

_Ben sighed and said nothing, just held his arms out to you. You leaned against him and shoved your face against his chest as you continued sniffling and more tears leaked from your eyes. Ben held you and rubbed your back as you reached up and ran your hands through his jaw length curly hair._

_"(y/n) I'm your best friend, please tell me what's wrong because I want to help you." Ben said softly. You lifted your head and rested your chin on his shoulder. His black curly hair tickling your nose._

_"Y'know Jason? The um, the kid in our math class?" Ben nodded along and rubbed your back, turning his head to look at you._

_"You mean Jabba the Hutt?" Ben said. He was a little cruel with his nicknames, but it fit, Jason was easily the biggest kid in the 7th grade and was about 150 pounds overweight. Which is why it made it so easy for him to pick on you._

_"He's just being an ass to me. Like stealing my stuff, pushing me in the hall, yeah." You muttered in his ears. He rested his nose against your forehead and hummed._

_"And?"_

_"He called me a slut." You whispered, hoping he couldn't hear you._

_"He what?" Ben snapped, lifting his head and looking at you with fury burning behind his whiskey-gold eyes._

_"He called me a slut for hanging out with you so often." You said, quieter than before. Ben growled, low in his throat._

_"I'll be right back." Ben said, pulling away from you and standing up._

_True enough to his words, Ben came back a few minutes later with dried blood around his nose and a purple bruise forming under his left eye as he sat down next to you and flashed you a grin._

_"Something tells me Jabba the Hutt won't be bothering you anymore." Ben said._

_"Really? What tells you that."_

_"the three missing teeth I just knocked out of his head." Ben said with a sparkling crooked smile. You smiled back and wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing yourself against his chest._

* * *

"Hey, I just wanted to say thank you. For, dealing with Hux." You said as you climbed into Ben's bed watching him get ready.

Ben shrugged and pulled his shirt off, stretching his shoulders and bending down to pick up the shirt he just dropped on the floor.

"No big deal. You're my best friend, aaand Hux is an ass." Ben said, undoing his belt and dropping his jeans and kicking them away from him, bending down once again to pick up the jeans before dropping them in his hamper and climbing into the bed. You pulled the blankets back as Ben climbed into the bed and switched the lamp off. You tossed the blankets back over Ben, making sure you still had enough for yourself. Ben rolled onto his side and pushed the blankets down to his hips.

"You really didn't have to fight him though." You said, scooting closer to Ben and running your hand down his bare back, gently scratching his back the way you knew he liked. He hummed and shuffled back towards you.

"Yeah I did. Payback for every bruise he left on you and every time he pushed you to your knees trying to get you to suck his dick." Ben growled. You gently pushed his shoulder to get him to roll onto his stomach. He complied, and you pushed yourself up, swinging one leg over his back and straddling him while you dug the heels of your hands into his shoulders. He let out a groan as you started rubbing his back. Ben sighed happily, and you looked down at his smiling face as you rubbed his shoulders.

Ben let out a deep breath and suddenly rolled over so he was facing you and you were straddling his hips. You looked down at him as he rested his hands on your hips, rubbing his thumbs over your skin. He took a breath, his lips slightly parted as he looked at your face.

"(y/n), I-" He paused, and you leaned down, resting your hands on his chest, looking into his eyes as you brushed your nose against his. He slid his hands from your hips to your back, one on your lower back and one between your shoulders and pulled you closer so your chests were pressed together. You moved your hands to tangle in his fluffy black hair, brushing your nose against his cheek.

"Ben, are we?" You muttered, your lips inches from his. He lowered his hand from your back down to the waistband of your panties, snapping it gently as he brushed his lips against yours. You shuffled your hips slightly, hearing Ben gasp and felt him harden against you.

You leaned forward and pressed your lips together and grinding your hips against Ben's. He hummed against your lips, pressing his hands against you and sliding one hand down to your butt, squeezing it softly. You moaned slightly and Ben took that opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth. You felt his stubble scratching lightly at your face and you gently tugged at his hair, feeling a moan rumble through his chest. You slid your hand down between your bodies, resting it against his hardening dick, giving an experimental squeeze. Ben groaned and dropped his head back onto the pillow.

"(y/n), I need y-" Ben's words were interrupted by Leia knocking gently on the door. You felt your face flush as you pushed yourself off Ben and rolled on your side facing away from him to avoid the growing blush on your cheeks.

"Yeah mom, what is it?" Ben called. Leia pushed the door open.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake her, is she asleep?" Leia asked. Ben looked over to you and you stayed still, signaling for him to say you were sleeping. You couldn't face Leia after what she just almost walked in on. Thank god that woman believed in knocking.

"Angel and BB-8 were scratching at your door, I figured Angel wanted to sleep with (y/n), he's always slept with her anyway." Leia said. The two dogs trotted in the door and Angel bounded onto the bed, laying on top of you and huffing in your face. BB-8 settled himself at the foot of the bed as Leia shut the door quietly.

You couldn't believe you just almost had sex with your best friend.


	6. Green

"(y/n), are we gonna talk, about last night?" Ben asked as the two of you sat in the car on the way to school. Leia had considered grounding him for the arrest but after he explained the situation to Leia she relented and let him off after chewing him out for nearly two hours. But you still hadn't talked to him all morning. Every time you looked at him you thought about how his lips felt against yours and how close you were to, having sex. With Ben.

You just turned to look out the window of Ben's car as he pulled into the school parking lot. He turned off the car and locked the doors before you could get out, the locks retreating down into the door so you couldn't pry them up and manually unlock the door. You sat back in your seat, avoiding his gaze and looking at your hands as you wrung them together.

"(Y/n) you have to talk to me sooner or later. You're staying in my house until your parents get back." Ben said, trying to look at your face. You kept turning away from him. Ben sighed and looked out the windshield.

"(y/n), do you, regret it? Kissing me I mean?" Ben questioned quietly. You turned to look up at him, seeing the red blush covering his pale cheeks that you could just see through his curtain of black hair. You resisted the urge to reach out and brush his hair behind his ears and instead cleared your throat.

Ben looked at you hopefully and held his hand out to brush his hand over your hair, stopping short and dropping his hand into his lap.

"No. I don't regret it." You said quietly. Ben felt a smile cross his face and ran his hand through his hair with a breathy laugh.

"Oh thank god, I was so worried about that." Ben smoothed his hands over his jeans, picking at a stain on his thigh. You did the same with the leggings you'd chosen to wear that day, waiting for Ben to say something else. You didn't even know where to begin.

"I-I'm sorry I shouldn't have brought it up." Ben said as he looked down in his lap. You hesitantly reached over and took his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. He snapped his head up to look at you and gave a lopsided grin.

"We should probably go inside." you said, hearing the bell ring. Ben unlocked the door and jogged around to the other side to open your door for you. You chuckled and took his hand as he helped you out of the car.

"M'lady." Ben said as you stepped out of the car. You smiled as the both of you walked towards the doors.

"So the dance recital is coming up, is the coach going to put you in or no?" Ben asked as he opened the door for you. You figured she would, she had you working with one of the boys on the team to choreograph a duet. You couldn't imagine any other reason she would have you choreograph.

"I think so. It's a tradition that the new members do a duet they have to choreograph, why?" You questioned as you walked down the hall to first period, one of the classes you shared with Ben.

"Just curious." Ben said with a shrug. You looked down the hall and saw Hux standing at his locker, holding an ice pack against his cheek and a bandage across his now crooked nose. Ben saw him too, puffing his chest out and stepping in front of you, pushing behind his back. You came face to face with his patch covered guitar case. You clenched your jaw and dug your nails into your palm to quell your anxiety. You stared hard at the green "Flogging Molly" patch on Ben's guitar case. It was one he didn't listen to often but when he did the whole neighborhood could hear it. You heard the quiet sound of Hux's shoes on the tile as he approached Ben. You heard Ben growl as Hux stopped in front of him.

"Solo." Hux spat. His voice sounded nasally. You risked a glance around Ben to see Hux's very bruised face caused by Ben's forehead and knee. He saw you and took a step forward, only for Ben to plant his hand on Hux's chest and push him back.

"Do I need to break some ribs too?" Ben asked. Hux flinched when Ben touched him, stepping a few feet back.

"Don't ever come near her again. She doesn't want you." Ben growled, reaching behind his back and grabbing your hand. He kept himself between you and Hux as he skirted around the ginger and towards your class.

The rest of the walk was silent as Ben let out a huff and rested his arm over your shoulders. You leaned against him and listened to the comforting jingle of the chain on his belt and the heavy thud of his boots on the tile. Everybody else shied away from those sounds but not you. You knew Ben, and knew what a big softie he was.

* * *

_"Ben what are you wearing?" You asked when you met Ben at the bus stop. He was dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans with a chain dangling across his hip. His boots looked like they were two sizes too big, and the black Metallica shirt looked two sizes too small. His guitar case seemed small across his back. He had filled out in the summer between ninth and tenth grade, and grown at least a foot. You however, were still the same size you'd been since eighth grade._

_"Clothes?" He said, looking at you. You laughed and punched his shoulder halfheartedly. He gently shoved your shoulder, catching you before you fell over with a laugh. You stuck your tongue out at him, and he did the same. You froze when you saw the silver stud in the center of his tongue. He laughed at your face. Not a small chuckle they way he normally laughed, an uproarious laugh._

_"Ben what the hell?!" You exclaimed. He opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out again to give you a better view of the stud._

_"I got it lasf weeken, like it?" He said, his words muddled around his tongue. The stud jumped as he spoke. You didn't know how to react, you never expected Ben to get a piercing, especially one on his tongue. It was weird._

_Kinda hot though._

_"You look like you have a nail stuck in your tongue." You said halfheartedly. Ben pulled his tongue back into his mouth and tilted his head. He thought you'd like it._

_"I'm sure Malarus will like it." You said as the school bus pulled up to the stop. Ben followed you into the bus, sitting down next to you with his guitar case across his back._

_"Nah she'll hate it, which is why I got it." Ben said with a shit-eating grin. You raised an eyebrow at him. He and Malarus had been dating since the beginning of ninth grade, he just now decided he was sick of her? This wasn't at all like the Ben you knew._

_"Ben are you ok? You're acting kind of weird." You questioned.  
_

_"It's high school (y/n), time to remake myself. I want to be a bad ass, I'm sick of people picking on me." He said. You shrugged as the bus pulled into the transfer point. You grabbed your backpack and stood, ready to move to the bus that would take you to your new high school. You followed Ben out of the bus. He let you get into the new bus first and find a seat. He was about to sit next to you when someone in a lime green shirt pushed him aside and sat next to you instead. Ben huffed and landed in the seat across the aisle before standing up again._

_"Hey, I'm Elrik." The boy said, leaning towards you with a waggle of his eyebrows. You squished yourself against the window, shooting Ben a pleading glance. Ben tapped Elrik's shoulder. Elrik rolled his eyes and turned to see Ben's angry face._

_"Move." Ben said sternly. Elrik rolled his eyes._

_"Or what?"_

_Ben reached down, grabbing Elrik's green shirt and hauling him from the seat, dropping him into the seat Ben had been pushed into. Elrik landed with a heavy thump before Ben sat next to you, propping his guitar case between his knees. He leaned back and threw an arm around your shoulders and fluffed your hair._

* * *

You walked into your first period class. Math. You and Ben took the two empty seats at the back of the room, hoping the teacher wouldn't notice the two of you had walked in late.

"Ben Solo, what have you done to my favorite student?" The teacher asked without looking away from the board. He finished the equation he was writing on the board, before capping his marker and turning to glare at Ben.

"She's never late, the one day she is she shows up with you." Mr. Madden said. Ben rolled his eyes so hard you thought they'd roll out of his head.

"I'm waiting for an answer, Mr. Solo." Mr. Madden said. 

"You got me Mr. Madden, I've corrupted her. We were behind the school shooting heroin and cooking meth. I finally broke bad, the metal in my mouth finally leeched enough poison to screw up my head just like you said it would, and now I've gone and ruined your favorite student. Oh the tragedy." Ben said, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he spoke. You suppressed a chuckle. Ben could always be a little, dramatic. Mr. Madden's face turned a glorious shade of pink as Ben spoke.

" _Mr._ Solo. Stop speaking like that this instant." Mr. Madden snapped.

"Alright alright. Dude I woke up late and I'm her ride." Ben said, holding his hands up in surrender. Mr. Madden grumbled under his breath before turning to the board.

"See me after class Ben." He growled before launching into an explanation on the problem he'd been writing when the two of you walked in the room. Ben gave you a look and stuck his tongue out again, the metal stud on his tongue catching on his teeth and making a clicking sound. It was a habit he'd picked up. If he was bored or deep in thought he'd drag the stud across his teeth to make a clicking sound. It drove Leia to her wits end, but you never minded it. 

* * *

"So there's a battle of the bands type thing coming up." Ben said, walking backwards down the hall so he could face you to talk. It was the end of the day and he was walking you to the extra dance practice Phasma had scheduled so everybody could be ready for the recital in two weeks. You tilted your head and urged him to continue. He tilted his head to mirror you, sticking his tongue out and knocking the stud against his teeth again.

"Wanna come? The school's putting it on, I figured I'd do something a little more mellow. It's supposed to be covers of school appropriate songs." Ben said with a roll of his eyes. and putting air quotes around the words 'school appropriate.' You chuckled.

"Sure Ben, when is it?" You asked, stopping outside the locker room. Ben leaned one arm above his head against the wall. He told you the details of the concert and let you get changed while he waited outside the locker room for you. A few girls walked past him, including Rey. She gave Ben a quick nod. Despite being one of your friends, your friendship stopped at the teams you shared. She knew Ben was one of your closest friends however and figured she should be nice to him. Ben gave her a short nod back.

"Hey (y/n), think I could watch?" Ben asked as you walked out of the locker room in a pair of leggings and a tank top. You didn't mind, but you'd have to ask Phasma.

"I mean, I'll ask coach but I don't think she'd care." You said. You walked into the dance room with Ben on your heels. Before he could take a step on the hardwood floor you turned around and placed a hand on his chest. You pointed down at his thick-soled steel toed combat boots.

"She'll kill you if you scuff her floor." You said. Ben sighed and leaned against the wall to pull the boots off. He held them up next to him with a tight lipped smile. He shuffled into the room in mismatched green socks, setting the boots under the collapsible table in the corner that the dance team set their phones and water bottles on.

"Hey Coach," You approached Phasma at her desk. She was working on cutting the music for the concert but at hearing your voice she looked up with a smile.

"What's up (y/n)?"

"Could my friend Ben watch us practice? He's my ride home and I didn't really want to make him sit in the hall the entire time." You said, jerking your thumb behind you at Ben. He flipped his hair out of his eyes and flashed Phasma a crooked smile. She looked him up and down with raised eyebrows before turning to you and nodding.

"I didn't expect you to be friends with him, but yes he can watch." Phasma said. She finished the song she was working on before standing up and walking to the front of the class. Ben skated to the back in his socks, sliding across the hardwood before lowering himself to sit on the floor in the back.

"Has anybody seen David?" Phasma asked. David was the partner you'd been working on your duet with. Now that you thought about it, you hadn't seen him all day. You hoped he was alright.

"Uh, hey coach." You heard David call from the doorway. You and the rest of the class turned to look at him.

He had his left arm cradled in a sling, and his left leg in a boot. He had a crutch tucked under his right arm and hopped into the room, struggling to balance on his one good leg without the help of his other arm. Phasma's mouth dropped open along with yours. There was no way he could dance with one arm and one leg, and there was no way it would heal in two weeks. Phasma let out a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"David what did you do?" She asked. David let out a nervous chuckle.

"I uh, went ice skating with my girlfriend, and I fell. Very hard." David said as he leaned against the wall of mirrors in the front of the room. You gave Ben a worried glance and he tilted his head at you. You could see his jaw moving as he chewed on his tongue, another habit he had when he was bored.

"Well, I guess you're out of the routines." Phasma said. David flashed her an apologetic grin. Phasma turned to you.

"(y/n) your duet with David was supposed to be in the concert, I can't cut it, the programs have already been ordered." Phasma said. It seemed more like she was thinking out loud rather than actually addressing you. She glanced behind you, a spark suddenly lighting behind her eyes.

"You said your friends name was Ben?" She said as she turned to fully face him. Suddenly every eye in the room was focused on Ben. He shuffled uncomfortably and looked to you for guidance. You simply shrugged.

"Ben, have you ever danced?" She asked. Ben stared blankly for a minute and in the silent room you could hear the stud clicking against his teeth in his mouth. 

"I did gymnastics for a few years?" Ben said. You remembered his brief gymnast career in seventh and eighth grade. He'd gotten pretty good at the flips, but that wasn't dance.

"I can work with that." Phasma said. She gestured for everybody to clear the center of the room and for Ben to stand.

"Do a flip." She said. Ben gave her a confused look. It had been years since you'd see him do anything where his feet were above his head, let alone purposefully. 

"Coach, come on that's Ben Solo. He just walks around glaring at people. I doubt he can even do a cartwheel." One of the girls in the corner said. She'd been rude to you since you tried out. Rey said she was always rude to anybody outside of her circle.

Ben shot her a glare, then stood from the floor, shucking his leather jacket onto the floor and emptying his pockets on top of his jacket .He slipped his socks off and stepped towards the middle of the room. He turned to look at everybody around him, standing in a perfect ballet third position. He gestured to the room with an exaggerated movement.

"Any requests?" He asked cockily. Nobody spoke and Ben nodded before lifting his arms and throwing himself into a cartwheel, then twisting into a back handspring and finishing with a backflip that brought him to the other side of the room where he landed effortlessly. Phasma let out a snort of laughter before turning to the girl who had previously spoken out.

"He's a better gymnast than you." Phasma said. Ben brushed his jeans off and straightened his shirt that had pulled up to show the smallest bit of his stomach. He walked towards you and held his hand up for a high five. You gave him one before he stuck his tongue out at you again. He'd been doing it a lot more you noticed.

"Ben would you be interested in being in the concert?" Phasma asked him suddenly. You heard a scoff from the girls in the corner and Ben looked bewildered. He hadn't come in the room today with the intent of being in the concert, just watching you practice. He looked between you and Phasma as if begging for an answer.

If you were being honest, you wouldn't mind Ben being your partner. David was nice, but he was lean and there were a lot of lifts in your dance. You were always nervous David would drop you, but you trusted Ben with your life. You knew he would throw himself to the floor to catch you before letting you fall. You hoped he would say yes.

"I mean, why not?" He said, more of a question than an answer. Phasma let a wide grin split her face. 

"Wonderful, David can show you the video he had of the duet from last week, and you two can practice all you want. We only have two weeks." Phasma said. She dismissed you and Ben to follow David into the gym to practice the duet and teach Ben the new steps.


	7. Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it has taken me so long to update, I have been so busy recently. I feel terrible that it has taken me this long, but here it is! the long awaited update to Daffodils.

"Hey Ben, my parents called." You yelled down the hall from the bathroom where you were currently brushing your teeth. You leaned over the sink and spat the foam into the stream of running water, before using the cup you'd brought to rinse your mouth. You heard a faint response from Ben over the heavy metal music pumping from the speakers in his dark room before continuing.

"They said they were coming home soon, they didn't tell me when though." You stepped over Angel and between Bb-8's paws as you made your way to Ben's room. You felt the bass reverberating in your chest and rolled your eyes. The neighbors must hate him, but Leia wasn't here to tell him to turn the music down.

"You alright?" You yelled, walking into the room and looking around. Ben was nowhere in sight. You wondered where he could be until he walked out of the small closet with a pair of sweatpants and a too-tight band tee on. He was headbanging with the music and you chuckled. Why were you best friends with this dork?

 _"_ My world, my love why do you torment me, To give up and give in to all you are? I like the man I am, but I despise the fool I've been. _"_ He sang before flopping onto his bed with his phone. He looked to the doorway and leaped to turn the volume down.

"Sorry (y/n) I didn't hear you come in." He said. You chuckled as you walked towards the bed and lay down next to him, poking him until he moved over enough so you weren't falling off the bed. You threw your arm over his stomach, leaning against him and resting your cheek on his shoulder.

The two of you lay like that for a while. You, thinking of your life and how you ended up here. While Ben scrolled through his Reddit feed, occasionally responding to a message on snapchat.

"Ben," You waited for an answer. He gave a nondescript hum and you took that as your sign to continue. "why did you put your stud back in?" You asked. He hadn't put his stud in since the end of sophomore year. Which is why it startled you today. You heard the clicking of the stud against his teeth again before he shrugged.

"Just thought I shouldn't let the hole close." He said, not looking up from his phone. You placed your hand against his stomach, leaning on it to sit up and look at his face. He winced and let out a huff as you put pressure on his gut.

He looked up from the screen to see you leaning against him with your head tilted. He dropped his phone on his chest and reached towards you, running his hand over your hair gently, before pushing you back onto the covers with a giggle.

"You're a dork Ben." You said as you rolled onto your stomach and pushed yourself up. Ben had set his phone on the small table next to his bed before smiling at you.

"So, you said your parents called?" He asked. You nodded before laying down on the bed with your legs dangling over the edge and your head on his stomach.

"Yeah, they said they would be home soon. It's about time, they've been away for weeks." You grumbled. You never thought you would miss your overbearing parents, but they were still your parents.

"Does that mean you have to go?" Ben asked, sadness creeping into his voice.

"No, they know I'm staying here and don't care. I mean when they get home I will but for now I'm not going anywhere." You rolled onto your stomach, resting your chin on his stomach and looking up at him.

"Good, I like you being here." Ben said. You smiled at him.

"Is your mom coming home anytime like, ever?" You asked. It was six thirty and Leia still wasn't home. She was almost always home by five thirty.

"Nah, she said she had a work party so she's staying in a hotel with one of her work friends tonight. It's easier than coming home." Ben said, a frown crossing his features.

"A friend?" You grinned cheekily. It had been years since Han left, Leia deserved to be happy.

"Ew no, gross that's my mom." Ben said with a chuckle as he pushed you off his stomach and poked at your sides and stomach until you slid off the bed and onto the floor in a fit of giggles.

Ben slid off the bed next to you, laying on the floor with you and looking at your face as you smiled.

"You're pretty." He said with a soft smile. You felt your cheeks burn hot before pushing his shoulder and pulling the collar of your shirt up over your nose.

"Oh my god shut up." You said through laughter. He rested his hand on your cheek, pulling the collar of your shirt down and lifting your head.

"I'm serious (y/n), you're pretty." Ben said. You reached out to him, wrapping your arms around his waist and pulling yourself towards him before pressing your face against his chest.

"Stop being so sappy." You mumbled against his shirt. You felt his chuckle rumble through his chest as he rubbed your back.

The two of you lay in comfortable silence. Listening to the other breathe, listening to Ben's soft humming and the occasional click of his tongue stud against his teeth. You scratched his back lightly and he let out a contented sigh as he rested his chin on your head. You could imagine the soft smile on his face as he leaned against your touch.

"So, the dance." Ben said quietly. You hummed in response, urging him to continue.

"Did you come up with that choreography?" He asked. You shook your head against his chest. It had mostly been David, he'd been on the dance team longer than you and you assumed he'd have more experience.

"What about the song? Did you choose that?"

"Ew no, you think I would choose rap for a dance? Ben it's me you're talking to." You said as you tilted your head up to look at him. He let out a chuckle and pulled you against his chest again.

"Alright alright, just curious. Honestly it's not my type either but anything to help you out." He said. You hummed in thought.

"What if we changed songs?" You suggested. Now it was Ben's turn to look confused.

"To what?" He questioned.

"I don't know, there's this one son, Ancient History by a band called Set It Off that's really good." You said. Ben tilted his head.

"I didn't know you listened to Set It Off. I've heard that song, it's a bit fast paced isn't it?" Ben asked, sitting up on the floor. You shifted so your head was in his lap as he rubbed your back.

"I mean I guess," you paused, rolling on your back to smile up at Ben, "luckily I know an amazing guitar player who could do an acoustic cover?" You scrunched your eyes shut and flashed him the widest smile you could, folding your hands in a "pretty please." You heard Ben hum in thought.

"I dunno, what's in it for me?" He asked as he tickled you.

"Ben!" You exclaimed, dropping your hands onto your stomach and scowling at him.

"(y/n)!" he mimicked your high pitch.

"You won't just do it for a friend?" You asked, sitting up and leaning dramatically against him. He sighed and leaned his head against yours, turning so your foreheads were pressed together, noses just brushing.

"No, not a friend," He paused, reaching for your hand and holding it in his own, "but I'd do it for you." You felt the heat rising to your cheeks and squeezed your eyes shut as you lowered your head to bury your face against his neck.

"You're such a sap." You said, pushing his shoulder gently. He let out a chuckle and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his lap to lean against his broad chest. He'd long ago removed the leather jacket and skinny jeans covered in chains, dropping them in the hamper next to the studded boots. He wasn't Ben the goth, Ben the guy everybody avoided, he was your Ben.

Your best friend who tried to pierce his nose in eighth grade and got an infection, your Ben who taught himself to braid hair to help you with prom hairstyles, your Ben who snuck in your window to look at stars and who cuddled your dog and loved Playdough ice cream a little too much. He was your Ben who got himself arrested for beating your abusive ex, who dealt with black eyes and broken noses for you no matter how often you told him he didn't have to fight for you, because you were already here. You were here and you were never letting him go.

* * *

The concert was tonight. Your parents had come home that morning, despite saying they would be home soon two weeks ago. You didn't question it, Leia was more than happy to let you stay in her home.

"It makes me feel better knowing you're here and safe than alone. Anything could happen." She said with a pointed glance. Leia was not an oblivious woman, you had no doubt she knew something had happened with Hux that pushed Ben to sit in a holding cell for a while, but Leia was a saint and let you keep your secrets.

Ben had gotten his band together to record you an acoustic cover of the song Ancient History by Set it Off for your dance. Finn even told you Ben had pulled out some of his old piano skills for the background and convinced Mitika to put away his drumsticks for a few minutes. You hadn't expected him to go that far but you were grateful he had. It sounded amazing.

Now you were backstage in your costume, a flowing white sundress with a chiffon skirt, gold neckline, and a pair of tight white shorts underneath. You had managed to wrestle Ben into a pair of tight black leggings that, to anybody else, looked like jeans with a white T-shirt. Your dance was simple with the use of a prop Rey had built for you in her theater tech class. Ben was currently watching the routine before yours, picking nervously at his pants as he fussed with his hair.

"(y/n) I don't know if I can do this." He said, turning to you with a terrified look in his eyes. You gave him a small smile as you pulled him into a hug.

"Ben we've practiced every day for two weeks, we've got this. You've got this." You said softly to avoid being heard. He relaxed and rested his chin on your head with a sigh. You heard the applause and watched the lights dim as the group before you walked off the stage. You grabbed one side of your small "wall," unlocking the wheels on the bottom and pulling it onto stage as Ben helped you guide it to the middle and position it where it needed to be. You both took your positions as the song began.

_No, there's no denying chemistry this strong  
Yes, pretend it's right but we both know it's wrong..._

* * *

"Mom! Dad! I didn't think you were going to make it!" You exclaimed, running towards your parents when you saw them outside. You hugged your mother first, then your father. They smiled at you, well, your mom did. Your dad just scowled at Ben the way he always did. Ben approached the two, shaking your father's hand and reaching to shake your mothers when she pulled him into a hug.

You pulled back with a wide smile, waiting for their responses. Your mother immediately started congratulating you, while your father returned to glaring at Ben. Ben was unphased, ever since Ben had first been suspended, first gotten a piercing, your father had been less than kind to Ben. He was used to it. Thinking back, it was around the time Han left that your dad started being nasty to Ben. Leia seemed to materialize from thin air next to you, pulling her own son into a hug and holding him close to her. He leaned into her embrace, a contented smile on his face as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"I'm so proud of you Ben." Leia said as she pulled away to look into his eyes. Someone a few parking spots away called her name, and she patted Ben's shoulder before leaving to talk to whoever had called her.

"So why were you her partner, hm?" Your dad asked sharply, earning a swat to the chest from your mother accompanied by a harsh _"Greg."_

"Her original partner broke his arm, and the coach asked me?" Ben said, mild confusion in his voice. He was used to indirect hostility from your dad, not a direct challenge.

"Wouldn't be surprised if you broke it." Your dad muttered, earning another sharp "Greg!" From your mother as she dropped her hands and turned to look at him with wide eyes.

"I, no sir I didn't." Ben seemed to shrink within himself. He felt like he was a little kid in the front yard who accidentally broke his mother's flowerpot. He knew she wouldn't mind, would just make him clean it up and plant new flowers, but Han was the one who had found it. Han did mind.

* * *

_"Benjamin Lando Solo!" Han's voice boomed from the front yard. Ben flinched as he slowly turned to peek out the open garage door where he'd been tinkering with his wooden box he'd been trying to put together for months._

_He'd broken his mom's blue flowerpot, the one with the pretty yellow daffodils in it. He was going to tell her when she got home, but she was getting groceries. He'd broken flowerpots before when he wasn't being careful, never on purpose, sometimes it was a ball or he fell off his bike or he tripped over the crack in the driveway, he didn't mean to._

_Ben slunk from the garage, approaching Han cautiously with his head down._

_"What is this, hm?" Han snapped, pointing to the neat pile of blue ceramic shards with the yellow daffodils sitting inside neatly. Ben had swept the dirt into the flower garden and set the flowers up until Leia got home so he could tell her and help her replant the flowers._

_"A broken pot." Ben said quietly, still looking at his scuffed sneakers rather than his father's face._

_"Did you do it?" Han asked. Ben nodded, squeezing his eyes shut and waiting for more harsh words._

_"I asked you a question Ben." Han snapped again. Ben swallowed deeply, trying to keep himself from crying._

_"Yes." He whispered. Han planted his hand atop Ben's head, lifting it so his son was forced to look him in the eyes. Ben winced, squeezing his eyes shut and willing the tears back into his eyes._

_"What was that?" Han growled._

_"Yes sir." Ben said, swallowing again. Han pushed Ben towards the neat pile hard enough for Ben to fall on his knees, ripping a hole in the denim as his knees connected with the rough cement._

_"Clean it up." Han snapped, standing over Ben with folded arms. Ben looked at the flowers sitting happily on top of the pile. What was he supposed to clean up? He knew his mom would want to keep the flowers, maybe she could fix the pot? It wasn't that broken. He hesitated a bit too long and Han hauled him to his feet by gripping the hood of his favorite black jacket and pulling._

_"I said, clean. it. up." Han snarled, holding Ben high enough off the ground that his toes barely touched. He heard the seam of his hood ripping and began squirming, trying to get Han to let him go._

_"Dad, please you're ripping my jacket." Ben said, trying to hold his weight on his toes as much as he could._

_"That's not the point!" Han roared in Ben's face. Ben winced and felt the tears begin to stream down his face as he held the front collar of his jacket to keep from being choked. Han finally let him go, dropping him to his feet before stomping away muttering "useless" and other assortments under his breath. Ben heard the engine of his mother's car, quickly wiping his eyes with his sleeve before turning and meeting her in the garage, hugging her as tight as he could while she examined his ripped hood._

* * *

"Don't lie to me. I know what you're after." Your dad snarled, stepping towards Ben and glaring up at him. Ben stepped back nervously as you stood beside your mother.

"I-I, what?" Ben asked, swallowing nervously. He stepped backwards and stumbled as he kicked the toe of his own boot.

"Greg!" Your mother snapped. Your dad ignored her, reaching forward, grabbing the collar of Ben's jacket and pulling him down to his height.

"Dad!" You called, starting to feel scared for Ben. You knew he could fight, knew if he wanted to he could knock your father on the floor in a second, but you had never seen him freeze like this.

"You've always been after my daughter. But let me tell you, I will _never_ let a delinquent piece of shit like you anywhere near my little girl. I'm surprised you stay out of jail for a week at a time, your dad was right to leave." Your dad hissed. Ben's brows furrowed and he stood to his full height, pushing your dads' hands off him.

"Dude, shut the fuck up." Ben growled. It was a warning, you could tell. You looked to your mother, who seemed just as frozen as Ben had been, but also on the verge of tears.

"You're never getting near her, you're like him, a deadbeat drunk piece of shit who walks out on his family. You'll be just like your father." Your dad jabbed his finger into Ben's chest.

"I said shut, the fuck, _up!_ " Ben yelled as he knocked your dads hand away and shoved him hard enough to cause your dad to stumble.

" _Dad!_ " You snapped. Your dad hesitated for a moment before trying to charge Ben to tackle him to the ground.

"Dad what the fuck?!" You yelled. Your dad stopped trying to push Ben, who had planted his heels into the ground and wound up his fist to hit your father in the face.

"What did you just say to me young lady?" He asked harshly. You stepped away from your mother, grabbing your dad's arm and pulling him away from Ben.

"What the fuck dad?" You said, placing yourself between your dad and Ben. Ben was breathing heavily with shaking shoulders. You could hear the rapid click of his stud against his teeth. You wrapped an arm comfortingly around his waist as you glared at your dad.

"What did he even do to you?" You asked as Ben leaned against you. Your dad looked between the two of you and looked even angrier. You looked to your mom to see tears rolling down her cheeks.

"What happened while you were on your 'extended honeymoon'?" You asked, quoting the words extended honeymoon. Your mom looked away, covering her mouth. Your dad looked to her, but she refused to look at him.

"I'm just trying to protect you honey." Your dad said softly, stepping forward and holding his arms out to you. Ben let out a rumble from his chest and stepped forward protectively, pushing you behind him before he could think of what your dad would do.

"Let her go right now." Your dad snapped. You stepped out form around Ben, resting a hand gently on his chest.

"Protect me from what?" You asked. He couldn't mean Ben, could he? Ben was sweet, he was protective, you trusted him more than anybody, he was your best friend, you loved him.

"From, from _him_. He's not good for you, can't you see he's going to be just like Han?" Your dad said, reaching for you and gripping your wrist. Ben growled and stepped forward harshly, pushing against your hand. You pushed back and turned to look at him as you pulled your arm from your dad's grip.

"Greg." Your mom said finally. He turned to look at her.

"This is exactly what I was talking about. You can't think about things calmly. You take everything as a personal offense, and here you are assaulting a _teenager_ who has been nothing but good to our daughter for ten years." Your mom said, stepping forward to pull your father back by his shoulder.

"I take it back, I don't think we can work this out. I want you to sign the papers and get your things and be out of the house tonight." She said. Your dad stared open mouthed. You blinked in confusion, looking between the two adults before finally turning to Ben who had stepped forward and rested an arm across your chest protectively.

Your dad let out a few huffs, trying to find something to say. Your mom shook her head, turning to walk to the car, leaving you standing there with Ben and your father. Your dad turned to look at Ben, then at you, then where he had his arm.

"What happened to Armitage hm? He was a good respectable boy, why did you decide you wanted this, this, this," Your dad spit as his face turned red "this screwup? Has he hit you? Did he force you to do anything?" Your dad asked, glaring at Ben and reaching for you again. This time you didn't protest when Ben let out an angry hiss as he pushed you behind him and puffed out his chest.

"That _respectable boy_ hit her, slapped her, left bruises so deep they were _black_ on her, and scared her so bad she came to me crying at 10 o clock at night begging to stay with me." Ben said harshly, backing your dad down with every step. "That _respectable boy_ is the one who hit her, who tried to force her to do things, and would have succeeded if it weren't for me. I am _not_ a screwup, and I am sure as hell better than you." Ben jammed his finger into your father's chest before turning to face you and herding you away from your dad towards the Falcon. You tried to take a few steps, before everything sank in and you stumbled against Ben.

"Hey, hey it's ok." Ben said gently, shrugging off his blue jacket and wrapping you in it gently before bending down, sweeping an arm under your legs and holding you bridal style in his arms. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing your face against his shoulder and letting the tears run down your cheeks, ruining your makeup and no doubt staining his white T-shirt. Ben just held you close, carrying you to the car to take you home.


	8. Pink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unprotected sex warning: use condoms loves!

Ben carried you inside, exchanging a glance with Leia in the garage when he lifted you out of the car. You had been crying the whole drive home, not sure what to do. You hadn't even seen signs of your parents’ marriage being unhappy. You loved them both, but you didn't know what would happen to your life now. Ben carried you into the bathroom, sitting you down on the lid of the toilet and lifting your chin.

"Hey, (y/n), you need to wipe your makeup off." Ben said, opening one of the drawers in the bathroom and pulling out the pack of makeup wipes you'd brought with you. You sniffled, leaning forward and leaning your forehead against Ben's shoulder.

"Alright, come here." Ben said softly. He lifted your head and set to work wiping the heavy makeup from your face. You took a few deep breaths, trying to calm yourself down as Ben gently cleaned your face. You sighed, finally looking Ben in the eye.

"If I was still with Armitage he wouldn't have done that." You whispered. Ben froze, lowering his hand slowly.

"What?" He whispered, it felt like the time to be quiet.

"If I were still dating Armitage my dad wouldn't have had a reason to fight you and maybe my parents would still be together." You said a little louder as you looked down into your lap. Ben lifted your chin with the knuckle of his index finger, trying to get you to look him in the eye.

"(y/n), (y/n) look at me. Let me see those pretty (e/c) eyes." He said. You finally looked at him.

"Your dad has never liked me. I know he didn't, from the first minute you brought me inside holding those yellow daffodils. But that has never bothered me. It was going to happen eventually, I'm just glad it happened when I could get you out." Ben said. He brushed your hair away from your face gently.

"If you were with Hux you might be dead (y/n). You don't know what he could have done to you, but your dad was going to lose his patience with me eventually." Ben said. He leaned forward, pressing your foreheads together.

"None of this was your fault (y/n)." Ben said quietly. You felt more tears falling from your eyes as you reached for Ben, burying one hand in his soft black hair and using the other to grip his shoulder tightly. Ben reached his arms around you, holding you close against his chest.

You loved Ben. You realized that now. He was your best friend; he was the one who had been with you for ten crazy years. He was the one you came to with any problems, the one you trusted more than anybody in the world, the one you wanted to love forever and the one you wanted to be with forever.

You gripped his hair tighter, using it to turn his face towards yours, pressing your lips against his. Ben closed his eyes, leaning into your kiss. You let out a sigh of relief, your lips moving in sync as you used your free hand to pull him closer to you. Ben finally pulled away, breathless as he looked down at you.

"I don't want to think right now." You whispered, your noses still brushing. You ran your hand down Ben's chest, pausing at the top of his jeans he'd changed into after the recital. Ben's breath hitched slightly.

"Please Ben." You whispered. Ben swallowed and nodded. He slid his hands under your thighs, guiding you to wrap your legs around his waist. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and held tightly to him as he lifted you from where you sat. He walked the two of you to his room, pausing to tell Leia you were going to sleep. He locked his bedroom door before laying you gently on his bed.

"Are you sure?" Ben asked. His heart was pounding as he looked down at you. You nodded, reaching for his shoulders to pull him down. You slid your hands under his shirt, trying to lift it. Ben discarded his shirt, leaning back down and kissing you softly. You ran your hands over his muscular back, digging your nails in slightly.

"I don't, really know what I'm doing." Ben admitted with a chuckle, feeling his cheeks and the tips of his ears burn hot. You smiled back at him.

"Neither do I." You said. You sat up slightly, lifting your shirt over your head and dropping it on the floor next to his. 

"Pink?" He teased. You shoved his shoulder, feeling your cheeks turning the same shade as your bra. You unclasped it, adding it to the pile of clothes and exposing your chest to Ben. He felt like his brain had short circuited. You were beautiful, more beautiful than he'd imagined. He looked up to you and you blushed.

Ben lowered his head, kissing your shoulder softly. He lifted one hand to your chest, kneading your breast softly. You took in a sharp breath when he brushed over your nipple, which Ben picked up on and began teasing your nipple more. You could feel him through his jeans and reached down to run your hand over him.

Ben sighed softly, pushing his hips against your hand. You fumbled with the button on his jeans. Ben reached down, undoing it for you and pushing his jeans down. You pushed your own pants down your legs, kicking them off the bed. You looked down to see the corner of a tattoo, normally hidden by Ben's jeans.

"You have a tattoo?" You asked, sitting up slightly and pushing his boxers down to reveal the rest of it. It was his band logo that stretched across his hip and went part of the way down his thigh. He chuckled as you ran your hand over it.

"Yeah I have a tattoo, couldn't let my mom see it though." He said. He leaned down and kissed you again, continuing to tease your nipples with his hands. You reached down, sliding your hand in his boxers and brushing your hand against his cock. He gasped, thrusting his hips against your hand involuntarily. You smiled against his lips as you took him in your hand. Ben groaned as you squeezed him gently, running your hand up and down his cock.

"Is this good?" You asked. Ben lowered his head to rest his forehead against your shoulder as he rocked his hips into your hand.

"Yeah, yeah that's good, _fuck_ that's good." Ben moaned. You smirked, squeezing him slightly harder as you turned your head to kiss his neck just below his jaw. Ben shifted his weight to one arm, sliding the other into your panties and running his fingers over your cunt. You took in a breath when he brushed his fingers over your clit. You dropped your head back as Ben rubbed circles over your clit.

Ben lifted himself off you, snapping the waistband of your panties as he looked at you curiously. You lifted your hips, sliding them down your legs and dropping them off the bed. You blushed as Ben's jaw dropped open.

"You're beautiful." He said softly. You felt your cheeks turn pink and pushed his hip with your foot as you covered your face with your hands.

"Shut up Ben." You said with a giggle. Ben reached up, pulling your hands away from your face and looking at you with a serious face.

"No, I won't. I won't ever stop telling you how beautiful you are." Ben said before planting a kiss between your breasts and reaching a hand down to your pussy. He looked up at you before pushing a finger in, gently pumping it in and out. You let your head fall back on his pillow, enjoying how his fingers felt inside of you.

"Can I try something?" Ben asked softly. You looked at him curiously before nodding. He stepped off the bed, kneeling next to it before hooking one arm around your leg and pulling you towards him. You slid across the bed and let out a soft yelp. You looked down to see Ben between your legs, face to face with your dripping pussy. He leaned forward, giving your clit a soft lick. You resisted the urge to close your legs around his head at the strange feeling. 

Ben continued using his tongue to trace shapes over your clit, only pausing every few seconds to breathe. You curled your toes in pleasure as you pushed your heels into his back, trying to pull you closer to him. Ben took one hand and slid two fingers inside of you. You gripped his bed sheets as he curled his fingers, feeling them brush against the spot inside you that sent stars through your vision.

"Ben," You moaned. You felt him smile against your cunt before he pulled away, using his shirt from the floor to wipe his chin. He stood up and pushed his boxers down his hips and dropped them on the floor, allowing his cock to stand proud. 

He took himself in his hand, stroking himself. He leaned forward, kissing you softly. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, trying to pull him closer to you.

"Please Ben," You whispered against his lips. He pushed you up the bed so you were laying with your head on the pillow. Ben knelt between your legs, rubbing the head of his cock through your folds. He dropped his head forward with a moan and you reached forward to brush his hair back.

"Oh shit, condom." Ben said. He fell forward to lay on top of you, stretching to reach over to the drawer in his nightstand. You giggled and kissed his shoulder as Ben dug through the drawer.

"Shit, fuck c'mon where are they?" He muttered. You kissed his neck softly before turning his head so he had to face you.

"Ben, it's ok." You said softly. Ben let out a breath as he looked at you. Your beautiful face, your (e/c) eyes that shone from your face, your (h/c) hair that always looked good even when you thought it didn't. He'd always wanted you, always loved you. And now, now he felt he loved you even more.

He shut the drawer of his nightstand, kissing you hungrily. He pushed himself up so he was kneeling over you. You held his face in your hands, your lips still locked. You slid your tongue into his mouth, feeling the stud in his own tongue. He pulled back, both of you breathing heavily.

"Are you sure?" He asked. You nodded, pulling his head back down to kiss him. You couldn't stand it without his lips on yours. Without being able to feel him on you. You felt the head of his cock pressing against your pussy and opened your legs wider, trying to encourage him to push in.

Ben finally thrusted into you and had to stop himself from cumming right then and there. The way you tugged on his hair, the way you bit his lip and wrapped your lets around his waist to hold him close, the way your pussy tightened around his cock, all of it was almost too much. Stars swirled through his vision as he let out a deep moan, holding his hips as still as he could and willing himself not to cum. Not before he'd made you cum first.

He took a few deep breaths, trying to focus on anything but the way you felt around him. This was so much better than he'd ever imagined. You were so warm and tight around him, so wet, your pussy took him so well. You let out a breath when Ben started moving his hips again, feeling him stretching you with every thrust. You dug your nails into his back, your lips moving against his as he fucked into you.

"Fuck, talk to me baby." Ben moaned against your lips. You pulled away from his kiss, letting out a sigh of pleasure when he lowered one hand to rub circles on your clit with his thumb.

"Ben, God Ben you feel so good when you fuck me." You moaned, gripping his shoulders and squeezing your pussy tighter around his cock. You could feel a tightening in your stomach, you wanted him to keep going, get you closer to that feeling.

"Your cock feels so good, it fills me up so good," You said breathlessly as he thrusted harder. He let out a growl and lowered his head so his forehead rested on your shoulder. You could feel the muscles in his back tensing as he snapped his hips against yours, trying to make you both feel good.

"Ben, Ben I think I'm getting close," You said as you felt your stomach tightening even more. Ben rubbed your clit a little harder and you felt yourself come on his cock. You moaned, throwing your head back and digging your nails into his back, wrapping your legs around his waist as you came hard. You could feel your pussy squeezing around Ben's cock.

"Fuck, fuck _fuck!"_ Ben moaned, giving one last thrust as his hips stuttered and his muscles tensed sporadically. You held him close against you, feeling his cock twitch inside of you. You could feel his cum spilling into you as you held tight to Ben.

"I love you, god I love you." Ben whispered repeatedly as he tried to push himself further inside you as he came. You weren't sure he knew what he was saying as his body seemed to convulse. Ben collapsed on top of you, breathing heavily against your shoulder. You brushed his hair away from his face, turning to press your forehead to his. Ben pushed himself up to rest his weight on his forearms still breathing heavily as he looked at you.

You squirmed slightly when you felt him pull out and could feel his cum dripping out of you. Ben reached over to his nightstand, pulling a box of tissues from the drawer and handing it to you. With Ben's help you cleaned yourself up as best as you could with the tissues. You dropped them in the trash can next to Ben's bed. Ben had laid on his back, one arm up over his head and the other resting across his stomach.

You poked Ben's side until he opened one eye and looked at you with an eyebrow raised. You tugged at his arm that was resting across his stomach and he lifted it with a smirk. You cuddled up against his side, your head resting on his chest with your hand on his stomach. You shivered slightly as the heat from earlier started to fade.

Ben hooked the blanket at the bottom of his bed on his foot, lifting it up to where he could grab it and pull it over the two of you. You let out a content sigh, trying to scoot even closer to Ben. You felt safe with him despite being fully exposed to him.

"I meant what I said." You heard Ben say softly. You had thought he was asleep. He'd been quiet for so long, his breathing and heartbeat had steadied. You looked up at him to see him laying looking at the ceiling. He started tracing letters on your back absentmindedly.

"What?" You asked, slightly confused. He looked down at you seriously.

"When I said I loved you. I meant it." Ben turned to look back at the ceiling.

"I love you so much. I meant it when I said it, I meant it when we were sixteen. I love you (y/n)." He said. You opened your mouth, pausing before speaking.

"You don't have to say it back, and I understand if you don't feel the same. I understand if you never want to do this again, it's ok if you just want to be friends, it's even ok if you just want me as a fuck buddy. I just, I had to say it." He said, squeezing his eyes shut. You felt a smile cross your face and you planted a kiss on Ben's chest.

"I love you too Ben." You said softly. You felt him relax and let out a breath. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you onto his chest and squeezing you tightly. 

* * *

_ You and Ben were currently running around the field behind his house. He was chasing you, trying to get his keys back. You had swiped them from his pocket and ran into the field. He was much faster than you, he had longer legs and more endurance, but you kept turning and jumping over the rocks and logs that had been dumped in the field from all the past owners. _

_ "(y/n)!" He called laughingly as he chased you with the biggest grin on his face. You turned back to look at him as you ran. You ran through a patch of pink flowers as he nearly tripped on the rock you'd just jumped over. You ran to the other side of the old fire pit, pausing and turning to face him. He stopped on the other side of it, huffing and puffins as he smiled at you. _

_ You moved one way and Ben followed. You moved to run the other way and he darted to head you off. You smiled, holding his keys up teasingly in a "come get it" manner. Ben let out a playful growl, stepping up onto the edge of the fire pit and leaping to the other side. You let out a squeal and turned to run as he jumped down and chased you again.  _

_ You didn't have enough of a head start and Ben caught you, wrapping his arms around you in a bear hug. He tried to pick you up but stumbled over a hidden rock and fell on the ground with you landing on his chest. You were both laughing uncontrollably. You lifted your head to see you'd fallen in a patch of pink field flowers.  _

_ You sat up off his chest, handing him his keys and sitting in the grass next to his head. You started picking flowers, twisting the stems around each other to make a flower crown of pink peonies and yellow dandelions. Ben had sat up from where he was laying, watching you work. You turned towards him, plopping the flower crown on his head. He smiled at you as you carefully adjusted it, fixing his hair so it looked nice. _

_ "There, beautiful." You said with a grin. Ben smiled his crooked smile. _

_ "I love you." He said. You blushed a pink to match the peonies you were sitting in. _

_ "I love you too Ben, you're my best friend how could I not love you?" You asked. Ben tried to hide the falter in his smile. That wasn't what he'd meant. _

* * *

When you woke up the next morning the clock read 10:30. It was Saturday. You heard a faint buzzing and looked around, spotting Ben's phone sticking out of the pocket of his jeans where he'd dropped them last night. You leaned over the bed, picking it up off the floor. The contact name wasn't one you recognized. You rolled over and pushed at Ben's chest.

"Ben," You said. Ben grumbled, rolling away from you and pulling the blanket up to his shoulders. "Ben someone's calling you." You said tiredly. Ben stuck his hand out from under the blanket and you handed him his phone. He answered it with a tired growl.

"Finn you better have a good reason for waking me up." Ben said. You reached over the side of the bed to grab your phone, seeing multiple missed calls from your parents. You rolled your eyes, deciding you'd call your mom back later. Your dad could pound sand for all you cared.

You stood up out of the bed, grabbing a few towels out of Ben's closet. You got his attention and lifted the towels. Ben paused, holding the phone away from his ear slightly.

"Wait for me?" He asked, flashing you his puppy eyes. You smiled and rolled your eyes, mouthing the word "fine." Ben gave you a comical grin before turning back to his phone.

"Yeah Finn, I'll be there. No, I didn't forget, yes, I know what time it's at. Finn I'll be there but I need to get ready." Ben said goodbye, hanging up the phone and throwing the blankets off. He crossed the room, giving you a tight hug.

"Hi," You said with a smile. Ben smiled down at you.

"Hi back." He said, leaning down and kissing you. 

"What was that about?" You asked. Ben shrugged.

"A while ago we sent a song to a few different recording studios, one called back. We're going to do an actual recording of it and then we might get a contract." Ben said. You paused in disbelief.

"Ben, that's awesome!" You said, hugging him from behind as he unlocked his door.

"Yeah, it is." He said with a laugh. He poked his head out the door, pulling a note off the door.

"Ok we're clear, mom had to go to work." He said, sticking the note back on the door and walking from his room to the bathroom.

"You coming?" He asked. You smiled at him, wrapping the pink towel around yourself, walking into the bathroom with Ben as he turned on the shower. 


End file.
